1. Stand outside Sephora, passing out flyers: Promotion today! Try on every one of our lipsticks– must be every single one on top of another– Get a FREE KISSING BOOTH to set up outside any one of our NYC locations!!

2. Tell your cat you booked him a weekend get away at Meow Parlour cat cafe! When you put him in his carrier, he may pee himself out of anxiety, but tell him the trip is important to build character AND Instagram followers!

3. Show up in Times Square in a brand new, clean Elmo costume. Refuse to accept tips, be nice to all little children, and proclaim yourself a conscientious objector by giving a fury peace sign to any fights that break out.

4. Walk into all the bakeries that DIDN’T participate in Macaron Day, berate them for this fact, and see how many you can convince to fork over macarons.

5. Ask your most promising Tinder match to meet you at the top of the Empire State Building. Threaten to scale the building like King Kong if they flake.

6. Stand adjacent to the Black Tap Burger line and tell every one who passes something different:
“It’s the line to see Hillary Clinton!”
“THINX is handing out free panties!”
“Mary Lane of New York Cliché is doing a reading of her blog!”

7. Sew a dozen pigeons and rats out of cloth, place them strategically on a city sidewalk, and plop yourself in the middle of it all.

8. Organize a group of friends to go to the Pillow Fight in Washington Square Park tomorrow. See how many of them think you’re pulling a prank, that such an event is too ridiculous to actually be real.

9. Organize a group of friends to go to a 7AM rave. See how many of them think you’re pulling a prank, that such an event is too ridiculous to actually be real.

10. Book a room at Ripley Grier and see how many actors you can get to audition for a webseries titled “Web Series Destroy Careers!”.

11. Go to the NYBG Orchid Show and casually tell attendees that you genetically modified two of the species on display. Ask them to guess which two.

12. Shout “WHAT TIME IS IT?” on a crowded subway and after everyone cringes, follow it with “APRIL FOOLS!”

13. Tell every one who reads your blog that you’re going to quit blogging! FOREVER! UNLESS they SHARE this post!