So you decided to end your relationship. You want to do it in person, and not be a douchebag ghost. Bravo! But breaking up is hard, especially in a city with as little privacy as NYC. Where do you have this conversation with your soon-to-be Ex? Anywhere but here:
14. Your Neighborhood Coffee Shop
The barista will remember this scene and the next time you show your face will “accidentally” fill your cup with decaf.
13. Your Neighborhood Bar
If things get messy, the bartender will never let you forget it. If your newly ex-lover gets sloppy drunk after you skedaddle, someone at the bar probably has your number and will call you to come and collect them.
12. Little Italy
A cruel, cruel recipe for the emotional eating party of the decade. Break up with someone in Little Italy and you should be held responsible for cleaning up the vomit on the subway after your ex eats 2 whole pizzas.
11. Dylan’s Candy Bar
10. Grand Central Terminal
Grand Central is beautiful, romantic, frantic and chaotic every day. To stand in Grand Central, surrounded by so many people, and feel utterly alone is a crushingly painful experience.
9. On the subway
Every one hates “SHOWTIME!”, pole vaulting AND emotional dramas.
8. A theme restaurant in Times Square
You drop the “I think we should see other people” bomb and before your date can react, an actor dressed like a werewolf/banshee/alien/on roller skates comes over to try to entertain the table! AWKWARD FOR EVERYONE. (I know because I was that actor once when I was working at the Jekyll and Hyde Club!)
7. Actually, Anywhere in Times Square
No break up convo should be interrupted by
4 pairs of body painted tits
and a song by the Naked Cowboy
6. Your Borough, Instead of Theirs
Commuting sucks. Commuting when your an emotional wreck sucks more than listening to your neighbors having sex while 29 babies shriek and a car alarm won’t turn off.
5. Rockefeller ice rink\
I know because THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME (well, almost).
4. On the Lake in Central Park
You know that witch in Hokus Pokus who looks exactly like Carrie Bradshaw? Well, she cursed anyone who dumps someone over open water in New York City. Do it and you will fall into that water shortly after AND DROWN.
Think that’s an urban myth
that I just made up? Try it and see what happens.
3. The High Line
It really wouldn’t be that hard to push someone off the High Line… Especially if that someone just broke your heart. One man “jumped” off in 2013, reports Gothamist. But…did he really jump, OR was he pushed by a spurned lover??? #StartARumor
This is fucking awful in NYC and in any bed, anywhere in the world. DON’T DO IT. And don’t fucking expect break up sex.