Frolic-worthy Foliage Outside the Concrete Jungle

You can’t expect a place people call “the concrete jungle” to bring it when it comes to fall foliage. For once, New York is behind the trend, with Central Park not revealing its most brilliant colors until November. With the warm weather we’ve been having, one might forget it’s fall. That is, until you step into a pub or Starbucks and hear everyone and their date clamoring for pumpkin ales and PSLs.

fall foliage leaves tree — *Leaves* you wanting more, right? (Pun totally intended.)

It was the perfect weekend for a girls’ getaway with my besties, Miranda and Elaine (can you guess what iconic NYC shows I got their pseudonyms from?). Friday afternoon we grabbed a Greyhound bus and headed north to Northampton, Massachusetts. Western Mass is perhaps best known for its brilliant foliage displays. It didn’t take much to charm me from the start, I oo-ed and aw-ed out the bus window the entire six-hour ride. The sides of the highway were dotted with a deciduous mix of green, orange, yellow, and red! Bus rides can be down right miserable, and even though our bus was an hour delayed, all I could think was, “This is beautiful!”

That was just the beginning. Northampton is a delightful New England town. Colorful in culture and bucolic. There’s nothing gritty about this place but there’s plenty that’s gay. Just check out their crosswalks!

Northampton rainbow crosswalk — Why did the ladies cross the street? To get to the other side! And show some Pride!

As you might remember from other adventures, Miranda, Elaine, and I all grew up together in San Francisco. (West coast represent!) Though California girls at heart, we’ve all been east coast long enough to see many autumns. BUT we’d never played in the leaves together. On a walk to main street, we spotted the perfect tree. Maybe it was in front of a community center? Could easily have been someone’s front yard, actually. We didn’t take the time to look! We were too excited by the leaves.

I’m talking jumping up and down and throw armfuls of leaves into the air excited!

We fucking frolicked. Almost lost Miranda’s camera and Elaine’s silver ring amongst the leaves, that’s how baller our leaf party was!

THE TREES ARE JUST SO PRETTY!

And my friends are too!

It was the perfect fall weekend, complete with chats by the fire-place, pumpkins, apple cider, apple cider donuts, butternut squash, and matching flannel. It was the perfect girls’ weekend complete with sleep overs, matching pajamas, brunch, beaucoup bottles of champagne, Jane Austen, and an inordinate amount of giggling

Embraced clichés for the best! But didn’t drink a single pumpkin spiced latte!

All the fall clichés we could cram into two days. Including my favorite quintessential fall adventure- APPLE PICKING! Stay tuned for Apple Picking Outside the Big Apple tomorrow!

19 Moments When I (Coulda/Shoulda) Realized a Relationship Was Doomed

Hindsight is 20/20 goes the cliché. When looking back on dates, it’s often easy to see the moment you coulda realized it was never going anywhere. In some cases when you shoulda realized it but infatuation kept you hoping. Then there are the times when you realize right then and there that the relationship is doomed. Woulda and actually did realize!

Here is a collection of my coulda-shoulda-wouldas from six years of dating in New York City. Yep, these all actually happened to me!

Coulda

1 When wandering around The Strand bookstore he looked bored and “Didn’t they make that into a movie?” was his only comment about any book.

2 When he left me standing in the rain, finally showing up 40 minutes late for a date.

3 When he showed up at my job to say hello, I told my co-workers he was “a friend” because I was embarrassed to say he was “the guy I’m dating”.

4 When on the third date he still had made no move. So I made one, simultaneously kissing him and feeling annoyed by his lack of initiative.

5 When he felt up my butt in the middle of Washington Square Park on a first date.

6 When he started choosing to spend way more time with his female best friend than with me.

7 When he picked me up in a Goodwill.

Shoulda

8 When he told me about the girls he’d also been seeing before he decided he liked me best (i.e. I was the one who would put up with his bullshit).

9 When he made it crystal clear he didn’t want a girlfriend no matter how fantastic/adorable/sexy/smart/sweet (and deluded) I was.

11 When lying in bed one morning he let the sentence slip, “I think you love me more than I love you.”

12 When he got messy drunk after 2 weeks of dating and slurred “I love you”.

13 When I showed up to tell him I loved him and found him tripping on acid.

14 When I had a stress-induced panic attack that left me vomiting on the side of the road, instead of comforting me, he backed away from my retching body.

Woulda (and actually did!)

15 When he disappeared for a week and then called me to say he’d checked himself into a mental hospital.

16 When he tried to find wiggle room in “no glove, no love” and didn’t understand the rhyme is iron clad until the relationship is serious and there’s been serious discussion.

17 When he actually said, “I’ll get married when I’m at least 40. My wife won’t be younger than 24, but not older than 29,” and there was no indication that he was joking.

18 When he called me at 2PM on a Sunday looking for booty.

19 When on a late night subway ride he said to me, “In this lighting I can see all the little whiskers on your face.”

What’s a moment you shoulda (coulda or woulda) realized a relationship was doomed? I wanna know! Share in the comments or on Facebook or Twitter– if I get enough, maybe I’ll combine them into another post like this!

October 15, 2014June 15, 2017

The Hottest Mixology Class at citizenM Cloud Bar

Invite two dating bloggers to a mixology master class and they may spend more time talking about the cute bartender than the cocktails. Especially if he has a British accent. Honestly, there were many distractions in the rooftop bar of Times Square’s newest hotel, citizenM.

citizenM opened its doors on 50th and Broadway in April. This brand spanking new hotel designed itself around the elements that make NYC iconic: swanky, cool, progressive, fashion forward, art-centered. The result is just as good as all that sounds.

citizenM Cloud Bar

Cloud Bar at citizenM, isn’t this decor awesome?

October 10, 2014October 10, 2014

Living the Dream: Tamar Davis Live at the Cutting Room

New York City is known as a city of dreams. If you can make if here, you’ll make it any where, as the song goes. There is nothing more inspiring than watching someone’s dreams come true.

I attended a performance at the Cutting Room that made my heart sing for this very reason. I couldn’t stop smiling, I was so happy for the beautiful and talented artist on stage! It was all I could do to keep from jumping up and dancing to celebrate- Tamar Davis is living the dream!

Tamar_Davis_Cutting_Room — [photo credit: Ryan Burke]

Tamar Davis is a singer/song writer from Texas who came to NYC with stars in her eyes. During her special one night only performance in the heart of the city, she certainly proved herself a star. I didn’t know much going in, only familiar with Tamar Davis as one of the leads in Motown: the Musical. I left her 9 song performance thrilled by such a joyous performance, fully understanding why Prince (yeah, Prince!) calls Tamar his muse.

Tamar_Davis_Cutting_Room_Soul — This is a woman who loves performing with her whole body and soul. [photo credit: Ryan Burke]

Between songs, the audience was treated to stories of her artistic journey thus far. A perfect mix of covers and original songs included “Be Calm”, “All of Me”, “Juz Do It”, and “Heartbeat” illustrated a fabulous artistic life that has so many more places to go. A cover of “Thank You” allowed for a showcase of talent from each member of the fantastic band. When Tamar sang “I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin” you felt the true message behind the lyrics. This is a woman who is so thankful to be living her dream and to share it with us.

Tamar_Davis_Cutting_Room_Band — Tamar and the band after the show [photo credit: Ryan Burke]

Girl’s got serious good vibes. Kindness and warmth exuded from her throughout her energetic performance. It was a really intimate show, not necessarily easy to achieve with a rocking 7 piece funk band. The atmosphere was special, I’ve never felt anything like it before. You could feel the love in the room. Tamar pointed out her mother in the audience and several of her mentors, no doubt she also had countless friends in attendance. Lot’s of love there, but there was something else too. This is a woman you immediately root for, you want her to soar. Even beyond that, watching her do what she does best inspires you to pursue your own dreams. When she sang her Grammy-nominated single “Beautiful, Loved, and Blessed” I thought to myself, “Hell yes you are, Tamar! And you know what? I am too.”

Tamar_Davis_Cutting_Room_Beautiful — [photo credit: Ryan Burke]

Every Monday Tamar releases a new song on her website that’s free to download. #TamarDavisMusicMondays No joke! How awesome is that? This is an artist who loves what she does above all else. She wants to share her gift with the world. This was so obvious in her performance and even in her blog and social media. With roots in jazz, funk, and R&B her songs are uplifting, inspiring, and many of them dance inducing. I’d highly encourage you to check out this amazing performer.

Tamar_Davis_Cutting_Room_Dance — [photo credit: Ryan Burke]

Dandy Wellington, the dapper front man of the wonderful opening band (aptly titled “Dandy Wellington and His Band“), introduced Tamar saying, “It’s not fair. It’s not fair. We all got God given talent, and here she is stepping up in here all fabulous–” You could feel the love and the respect. Did I mention Tamar’s incredible voice? Yep, with beauty that is so apparent inside and out, plus a spectacularly beautiful voice? It really isn’t fair. With someone else, you might hate her for it. With Tamar Davis, you can’t help but love her.

Tamar_Davis_Cutting_Room_Performance — My view from up in the media/press area!

October 9, 2014

World Sight Day with OneSight

Today, October 9th, is World Sight Day! So let’s see here…

I didn’t need glasses until sophomore year of high school. Unlike your cliché American teenaged girl, I was thrilled to acquire such an accessory. My four eyes added to the artsy-weird-girl image I tried so hard to project and they made me less appealing to the perverts on San Francisco’s public transportation system. Win win. In these early days, my prescription was so low the correction was really only noticeable when I read chemistry equations on the chalk board. Or for noticing that the complexions of my classmates were much more acne riddled than I had ever before realized.

Over a decade later, my eyes have gotten significantly worse. Without correction, the world around me resembles an oil painting, most details lost in hazy blurred edges, shapes, and colors. On the grand scheme, my eyes really aren’t that bad. Sometimes I’ll run errands in my neighborhood sans glasses or contacts. It’s not the best idea- if I was approached by a person whose expression was awash with aggression, I wouldn’t see that until he was in near striking distance. Now, the chance of that happening on a quick laundry run is pretty slim. Still, I can understand what the world would be like if I weren’t fortunate enough to have proper vision care.

10644680_855236382486_5349623175644960937_o — This is pretty similar to how the world looks to me if my vision isn’t corrected by contacts.

I did not learn World Sight Day existed until last night. I attended a launch party for OneSight, an organization working to solve the global vision crisis. Were you aware that there’s a global vision crisis? I sure wasn’t until last night when Jason Singh, the executive director of OneSight, told me all about it. A day later, the statistics he shared are still boggling my mind. Over half a billion people in the world do not have any access to vision care. That’s 563 million people living in a scary blur, often significantly handicapped by something that is so easy to fix!

10714072_855236272706_5640875830140276973_o — The audience at the launch party for The Way We See It campaign.

OneSight is an organization that has been active for 25 years during which they’ve helped over 8.5 million people get access to vision care. The event I attended was the launch of their The Way We See It campaign. How does OneSight see it? That the global vision crisis is one of the easiest and quickest health issues to fix. Already they’ve been successful in setting up eye care clinics in countries that never had them before and they’re even able to make these clinics profitable- creating jobs in countries with stricken economies.

10679537_855236257736_1578295159003900970_o — Jason Singh delivering one of the most engaging presentations I’ve ever listened to, enlightening us about the global vision crisis.

“Sight can be the difference between surviving and thriving.” I am guilty of taking my vision for granted. So many of us do! Think about it, without eye care what would become difficult if not impossible? Could you be able read signs? Books? Could you safely drive a car? Work on a computer? Perform your job? Learn at school?

10537189_855236262726_5608194099944814148_o — OneSight makes a point to provide glasses that people will feel good wearing. Looking good and feeling good are important, this organization knows they don’t need to sacrifice on style.

If you’re a kid who needs vision care and can’t get it how the heck are you supposed to learn at school? How many “stupid” or “slacker” kids would lose these labels if they could just see the chalk board? During Jason’s engaging presentation I learned this is actually a big problem in New York City! Not just in developing countries, but right in my back yard!

Ready for another mind-boggling statistic? 40% of the 1.1 million public school students in NYC are from families living below the poverty line. These families are more likely to lack resources, time, or understanding that vision care can be a necessity for their children. This fall OneSight is opening a permanent, self-sufficient clinic inside PS 188. It’s a pretty exciting undertaking and you can read more about the need in New York City here.

10472824_855236372506_5429955044589088563_o — Me at the step and repeat, celebrating the The Way We See It launch!

The thing that draws me into this campaign is that the results can be so immediate. There’s no research involved here, no “who knows how much time and money it’ll take before we can find a cure”. It’s simple: get glasses to those who need them, see how much their lives improve when they can see! Thanks for opening my eyes to this cause, World Sight Day!

Check out OneSight.org for more information, especially if you’re interested in donating for World Sight Day.

10668794_855236377496_362694155089792137_o — Being photographed by the event photographer, wishing I was wearing my glasses and had less awkward body language (but hey, it’s part of my charm!)

September 30, 2014May 19, 2016

I Don’t Know What It’s Like To Date A Blogger

It is something no one wants to hear on a first date.

Especially if you’re a blogger.

Especially if you’re a blogger who details epic stories from your dating life on your blog.

“I googled you.”

We hadn’t even finished our first margarita when he said it.

“Oh no!” may have been my reply, or maybe it was, “Oh really?” I can’t remember. “What did you find?”

“I found your blog,” he said.

I mentioned I was a blogger when we first met, so this wasn’t exactly a shocking revelation. Still, who googles people before the first date? Isn’t that a well-known faux pas? Maybe, but I liked his honesty. Most people who google before first dates keep it to themselves. From the moment I met him, he felt genuine, like he had nothing to hide. A quality I find extremely attractive in a man.

What did I have to hide? Nothing since February. That was the month I attached my name to my blog. Since then, thousands and thousands of words extolling Mary Lane’s Dating Failures (among many other things!) have been available for all the internet to see. A simple “Mary Lane New York” in your typed into your search box and voila! More than any first (or second, or maybe even 22nd) date should EVER know about me!

So of course my next question was, “How much did you read?”

“You like cupcakes. And tequila shots. There were pictures of you in a red coat.”

“Ah,” I said, relieved, “I’ve written better stuff than that!” But I was glad he’d only read my blog “coming out”– an utterly unrevealing post- if you already knew my name is Mary Lane. That was the only big secret in that one.

Google let the cat out of the bag, to use a cliché. He knew about my blog before we’d even been on a first date. Any personal blogger has run into this conundrum: when do you tell people that you blog? Especially if you’ve blogged about them? It is tricky, tricky ground. It’s something I’ve given much thought to recently, after a conversation with an ex-boyfriend revealed his feelings about my writing. I’d never really considered it from such a personal stand point before. “Well I didn’t write any thing bad, so it’s fine,” was usually enough for me. Now I’m not so sure.

I’ve never read anything anyone has written about me. How would it make me feel? I have no idea. This whole conundrum would be solved if I just date a stand-up comic. He can talk about me in his sets, I can write about him in my blog! Neither will take the other too seriously! We’re each addicted to making people laugh, now we can reach two different mediums! It’s a perfect match!

But I wasn’t dating a stand-up comic. I was dating this guy. Well, I wasn’t dating him yet. I’d just met him in a fantastic way, on the street, and then had the best first date ever, at Coney Island. Two great experiences, two great stories. When things happen to me that are great stories, well, I get really excited to blog about them…

He knew about my blog…would he be reading them? I decided to assume he would. Which is really what I do when I write about any one. So I wrote that great post about meeting him and day drinking. I was pretty pleased with it, and all you readers seemed to love it (thanks guys!). I’m not sure exactly why, but I made a decision.

One I’m still not sure if it was the right one.

“I wrote about you in my blog.” I texted him. We’d only been on two dates. This is probably worse than “I googled you” on that list of “Things You Don’t Want Your Date To Say“. I showed him the link. He read the post. He didn’t hate it. He liked it actually. Enough to share it with his friends. Enough to make him want to read more…

Enough for him to read enough to make him afraid of what I might write about him… It became one of those jokes…that’s not really a joke. That’s funny…but you know you have to take seriously. “Don’t blog about this.” He would say, time and time again. “I don’t want to tell you what do. And I want you to keep writing, because you’re really good at it. But please don’t blog about this.”

Spoken with genuine sincerity, that’s something I feel the need to honor.

Even if we’re not seeing each other any more.

WHAT?

Yep. Sorry to disappoint y’all. Didn’t you just go to a wedding with him? In Colorado? Yeah, I did. But now it’s all done!? Yeah, looks that way.

Here’s what I’ll say- Colorado was super fun, I think I can say that for both of us. Even so, the weekend made it crystal clear we had no future. If I wanted to, I could go into several blog posts outlining why it ended, exactly what happened. But I don’t want to. More importantly, I don’t need to. Sometimes I need to write to process things. In times past, I’ve truly needed that. Not this time. This time is simple. I had so much fun, almost every minute. I won’t be burning any of the stuffed animals he won for me at Coney Island- Happy Pig, Sad Bunny, and Apathetic Bear are safe.

But it’s done. Enough said, enough blogged.

Now I’d love to know: What are your feelings about writing about other people? How much should I worry about it? When would you reveal your blog to potential dates?

September 24, 2014June 15, 2017

Colorado Wedding: SO PRETTY with Minimal Awkward Moments

Colorado was absolutely beautiful. You knew I went to a Colorado wedding this past weekend right? As the fellow-I’ve-been-seeing’s plus one?

I got very picture happy right from the get-go. The wedding was a two-hour drive from the airport. In the tri-state area, this would be rather miserable. In Colorado, even the highways are gorgeous. Also the weather was perfect every single day. Blue skies with puffy white clouds framing the mountains. I can’t call how many times I said aloud, “Oh! It’s SO PRETTY!”

Our hotel was right at the mountain side. It was certainly one of the nicest I’ve ever stayed in with a pool, multiple hot tubs, and fireplaces every where. Along with deer, elk, and buffalo heads popping out from the walls above you.

No humidity and mid seventies every day. It’s the first time I’ve been away from NYC in a while where I wasn’t longing for NYC by the end of the trip. Granted, we were only gone for a weekend, but for a self proclaimed New York Cliché, this is saying something.

Neither my date nor I brought hiking shoes, regrettably as hiking was clearly the thing to do. We decided to see how far we could make it in slip on and boat shoes and began walking up the mountain in back of the hotel. Over 8,000 feet up, we got winded pretty easily. At least we could blame it on the altitude and rather than being woefully out of shape! The view was well worth the huffing and puffing.

IMG_1812[1] — We hiked for an hour, said “Okay, that’s enough” and retreated pool side. I wanted to stay in this position for ever.

All the deciduous trees were already changing color, well ahead of the east coast fall schedule. The mountains featured beautiful bursts of yellows, oranges, and reds.

Then there was the actual wedding. It was a lovely, intimate ceremony where I felt awkward taking photos. Not appropriate. So I just didn’t take any! That was pretty much the only thing I was awkward about. Well- almost.

Awkward moment #1: When a wedding guest with whom I was making small talk with said, “I assume he’s your boyfriend, right?” I replied with an awkward stutter.

Awkward moment #2: During the ceremony, the officiant called for the family of the bride and groom to stand. They did. He said some words. Then he called for the friends of the couple to join in standing. Guess who was the only one who stayed sitting. Yep, me. “Stand up!” my date hissed and I quickly rose, feeling like an idiot.

Those were my only really awkward moments of the whole weekend! Pretty impressive, right? Turns out I am in fact a pretty great wedding date! (My only regret is I did’t get a picture of my in my dress- I know some of y’all wanted to see! Sorry!)

A great party, a perfect end to summer, a wonderful weekend get away. I also didn’t end up hating my date, even after spending an entire weekend, four hours in a car, and seven hours on a plane with him!
Win, win, win, win, so many wins!