I left New York City for 48 hours to work a PA gig and one of my worst fears came true. There was no WiFI and my cellphone service was spotty! The horror! There wasn’t even a Starbucks in the 10 mile area I could run to!I hadn’t even considered the possibility! Thus my impressive 7 month streak of daily blogging had an unexpected hiccup this week. I spent 48 hours feeling helpless about my neglected blog and pondering:

Reasons New Yorkers Hate Being Outside NYC

1. No WiFI and/or unpredictable cell service.

2. There will be no good coffee.

3. The people making the not-good coffee will do so at 25% the speed of any New York barista, making you want to scream at them, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING SLOW!? 

GODDAMN IT I JUST WANT MY COFFEE.

4. Strangers saying hello. 

Did they say “Good morning!” or “Gimmie a dollar!”? Even if our hearing wasn’t damaged from subway noise pollution, this would be difficult to discern.

5. Silence. 

6. We will be over dressed.

A casual day dress in NYC is often wedding-level attire outside the city.

7. Trump supporters.

8. Any creature outside our rat/pigeon/cockroach wheelhouse.

9. When we tell people we are from New York City, their reply is, “Oh. I don’t know how anyone could live there.”

They’re asking for me to say the New York cliché “FUCK YOU” as a response, right? 

10. No sidewalks. 

We walk 5 miles a day, easy. To be in a place with no sidewalks makes Jordin Sparks 2007 hit suddenly make sense on a deep metaphorical level, Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?

11. Stranded in the boonies with no driver’s license, no subway, no taxis, no Uber…what if we become so stir crazy we lose all judgement and hitch hike?!?? 

12. What if Dominos is the only place that delivers past 10pm? We’re such pizza snobs, we might starve!

Leaving NYC basically means confronting death. Apologies in advance to all who have to deal with us poor New Yorkers, in high heels, angrily waiting for coffee, and glaring at your “good morning”. We don’t do so well outside our natural habitat…

If you are a brave New Yorker and interested in facing your fears this summer, check out:

35 Road Trips from NYC | Weekend Getaways

18 Weekend Getaways from NYC – Best Weekend Trips from New York