Time crawls when you’re bored out of your skull. How is that not a cliché?

Since filming wrapped last week (see previous post), Time oozes by at the pace of a tourist walking down 5th Avenue, gawking at the Empire State Building.

It slinks by with the speed of a subway stuck in a tunnel, Ladies and gentlemen we are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us, we apologize for any inconvenience.

Time is currently that snow bank piled against your garage stubbornly staying well through April.

In stark contrast to my previous week of filming fun, this week I am temping. The only flaw with filming a web series is the fact it will be low-budget. It won’t pay the bills. Your dedication to it won’t give you time to look for gigs, but fortunately you can call up your temp agency and they’ll put you on assignment for the very next day. That is how I transitioned from the glamour of lights, camera, action, to being stuck in a cubicle, glued to a headset all week.

This temp assignment is my worst nightmare. I’m not even being dramatic. The one reoccurring nightmare I have with some frequency is the one where all my teeth fall out. You ever have that one? It’s fairly common and according to teethfallingoutdream.org (actual url) this anxiety dream symbolize change and indicates fear of loosing something important. Freud says it points to sexual repression. Great. I have dreamed of this so many times my subconscious is actually aware of it. Now when my teeth start falling out my first reaction is, I know this! It’s okay, I’m just dreaming! Then I don’t wake up and stare at the teeth in my hand and freak out, OMG THIS TIME IT’S REAL! AHH!

So how the hell does that connect to temping? Do they have temps pull out people’s teeth these days? No, they most certainly do not. What I am doing is listening to and rating customer service calls. Calls to dental clinics. I’ve listened to thousands of calls of people looking for teeth extractions. I grimace through every single one. I now know the ballpark cost of a root canal and crown (holyshitexpensive). I have listened to 15 minute phone calls made to dental practices just to schedule an appointment. No one in New York has time to chit-chat with the receptionist as they book their dental cleaning! But apparently they do in Georgia. It’s my job to listen to the whole thing.

The company I’m working for has snacks in the office. How nice, right? Unfortunately, what might be considered a perk has enabled a lot of mindless, bored snacking. Eating for lack of a better thing to do. Disaster. Fortunately I’m only on this assignment for 5 days, it’s not long enough to go to my waist line. Still I sit listening to calls about tooth aches and dentures while eating a snack pack of sugary Nutter Butters. I realize the irony.

This week I flossed every single day. I’ve never done that before. I have used mouth wash. I have psychosomatically felt pain in every single tooth in my mouth. It’s been 13 months since my last visit to the dentist. I need to book my appointment asap. As much as I can’t stand this job, I’m glad I’m on it. Some people need a life changing experience, like listening to 2,000 people regale all manner of tooth related issues, to motivate them into impeccable dental hygiene. I moved to New York to chase my dreams, but the one where my teeth fall out is one I desperately hope never comes true.

I hate, H as in Haggard A as in Annoyed T as in Tired E as in ENOUGH, temping. But this assignment will be over before I know it. Plus it’s better than waiting tables!

Have you ever dreamed your teeth fell out? Other re-occuring nightmares?