Cute and goofy is my comfort zone. I hide behind adorable little outfits and funny faces.

Beautiful and sexy is my danger zone. I don’t dare describe myself with either adjective. Who do I think I am!? There’s an intense vulnerability in beauty that scares the shit out of me…

Beauty (budding sexuality) got me lurid looks and disgusting comments every day as I took San Francisco public transportation at age 14. I had to become invisible as a teen not to cope with bullies or peer pressure, but to escape the creeps on the metro. Always a problem solver, I had to find a solution. I would have done anything to feel safe traveling to school. So I cut my long hair short, wore baggy sweat shirts and men’s pants, and slipped black plastic glasses frames on my face. If anyone talked to me on the subway I would pretend to be high on drugs. By the time I was 15 my transformation was complete. Any sexuality had to be stamped out for survival. That’s truly what my teenage self believed.

You could call this a phase I eventually grew out of (it took until approximately age 21). Lately I’ve been thinking about how much it’s shaped my life… My boyfriend commented recently on my “modest” way of dressing and I was like, Ha ha ha, yeah right, good joke. Then I thought about it and realized, Oh shit, he’s right. I still have trouble wearing any kind of “revealing” clothing.

Why?

Because showing some skin sky rockets the risk a stranger will say something gross to me.  Exponentially increases the chance someone will touch me without my permission. Why take the chance of someone thinking, “She’s asking for it” when I can wear something that looks like I’ve never asked for anything, ever?

Fuck.

Fuck that shit.

Predators, abusers, creeps: TIMES UP. You can kiss my ass/your influence on what I chose to wear GOOD BYE. Hence forth my appearance has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

Here’s to getting comfortable in my own skin just in time for my 32nd birthday. Bacne scars and all. 

Both dresses in this post are from True Dolly. They make me feel beautiful and sexy as well as cute and comfortable. It’s that kind of combo that’s going to let us take over the goddamn world, ladies. Let’s go. Check out all the lovely, affordable things on the True Dolly website https://truedolly.com annnnd use the code MLNewYork20 to get 20% off your first order! Both sizes are small and for the maxi know that I’m 5’8 and it just skims the ground when I wear flats.