Fashion Bro-spective: Casual Date Outfit

When I first moved to my neighborhood, my bro-bestie Walter lived across the street. Those were the days, my friends. Much beer was quaffed and even more dish was served (“dish” is a more gender neutral term for “gossip”). A typical scene was me rooting through my closet, getting ready for a date, Walter sitting in on the armchair across from my open bedroom door. Walter sipping a beer, me yelling, “Tell me what to wear!” It was awesome to have a male perspective handy.

About a year ago, Walter moved to Florida. Six-packs last much longer in my fridge than they used to. My cat no longer has a male role model in his life. I’ve had to “approve” my date outfits on my own. Or with the help of my roommates, who are the best but likely clueless as me when it comes to men. I miss my bro-bestie!

Walter is probably this blog’s biggest fan. Every time I publish an entry, he sends me an encouraging text. It’s so supportive and sweet and really means a lot to me. He especially likes it when I write about him. The other day he was bemoaning the fact I never write about him any more. I was bemoaning the fact I don’t know what to wear on dates. Our moans mixed together and BOOM- blogging inspiration blossomed!

I have an idea! If you’re into it! We can get some male perspective on my blog! And fashion! At the same time! Yes, crazy I know!

I went outside in my neighborhood, snapped some quick shots of an outfit, and sent them to Walter.

I started super casual. Something I’d worn on a bowling date earlier that week. Jeans and a top, flat boots. I chose this outfit because I wasn’t sure about it. The jeans I knew were great, because a random, normal looking woman on the subway once told me so, “Those jeans fit you perfectly. Where are they from?”. Answer: The Gap! Anyway, I thought the top was cute, but part of me also wondered if the dots made it look clownish. And the boots were comfortable with a heel small enough so I’m not towering over men of average height. But were they cute? Eh?

Here is Walter’s, unfiltered, (mostly) uncensored response to my outfit:

Mary said she wanted me to look at her date outfit, as she often has in the past.  She thinks I am a good opinion to have, or at least Another Opinion….so I thought it best to have a few cold ones and review tonight’s collection of attire that will dazzle and amaze the men in New York.  I’m typing on a tablet in a room I’m renting in a weird part of Florida…so….(sic)

Picture one: “oh I’m just casually walking by this fence pretending I’m a prison guard”
DSC_0024Even mid stride I can tell you are attractive in this outfit.  I get a good sense of “she has a good body” with the very important “she DID dress up a little, she IS serious about this date”. I personally like how the little sleeves on this blouse (this is a blouse, right?) remind me of Batgirl, and the hoop earrings tie the whole thing together.  Men. Love. Accessories.  (Also the subtle grip on the cast iron fence remind us of our penises.)

Picture two: “the Stoop-Kid”
At this level of detail I can see the dots and the colors, this shirt has a sassy “Southern California, I’m only a hipster when I choose to be” look.  This is the type of shirt I would like to see on a picnic date with wine and a wicker basket, or holding hands and attending a sort-of-white-people sort-of-cultured event, like a corn maze/pig roast near a big farm house.  
Picture three: “an excuse to stare at your butt. Great butt, btw”
Holy shit this shirt is sheer and I see the appropriately tight jeans from the view that God intended.  This is perfect for men….perfect. Walking behind you up the steps of the subway just got more awesome, and I also don’t know how sheer fabrics works!  The hair looks sexy and effortless, which is the sort of thing that you advertise early. On the inside I know that you DID toil (and you got your drunk friend in Florida to help you decide on it).  The date-girl with a sheer shirt is such a thing of beauty your date will parade you around the entire night. Do these things wrinkle, even!? Are they walk-of-shame friendly? I’ll bet it is so soft!  Oh, hey, there are shoes in this picture. I like those too.
Picture 4: “the girl next door”
DSC_0022 (1)
Blouse (good job Walter): thrift|Jeans: The Gap|Boots: Nine West
How you are single right now I don’t understand. Go with this shirt for sure, but DONT waste it on a guy that picked you out of a virtual line up. He doesn’t deserve the sheer, nor the hot boots.  Nor the boob pocket that I’m SURE you won’t put anything in (fashion-waste-of-pocket).  Also your hair is so good in this picture that I want to jump in it and go down it like a slide at Typhoon Lagoon.  
I’ve said enough….go with this outfit, unless you have something sluttier you would like for me to see first.

So is it weird I requested my best dude friend to kinda objectify me for the sake of fashion blogging? Are we glad he complied? Did we learn anything from this male perspective? Bro-spective? Is the opinion of my bro-bestie (who you can see get more drunk as he continues in his asides) interesting? Should I make him be sober for the next one? Should there be a next one?

I think we definitely learned something we may have suspected from the start- men think women are attractive. Surprise, right? Obsessing over what you wear on a date is silly. Will I stop doing it? Doubtful. Is validation on outfit choices comforting? Yes. Is it always fun to see a male perspective on female fashion? I think so.
I also think there are some things to be learned here about pictures to use for online dating profiles. Like, if you are holding anything even vaguely phallic in a picture, dudes will be thinking about their penises. Thanks, Walt, for the knowledge.

About New York Cliche

NYC lifestyle blog by Mary Lane. Events, adventures, epic mistakes, dating, life, humor. A 20-something trying to make it (and make out) in the city of dreams.

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