1 Stop in the middle of the subway stairs when you see the express train arriving.
2 Stand in the middle of the escalator so no one can pass you.
3 Bike on the sidewalk.
4 Belly ache about how much you walked today!
5 Ask us “When are you getting married/having kids/moving to the suburbs/surrendering to death?”
6 Or “Think you’ll ever move back to your hometown?”
7 “Do you like comedy?”
8 “Do you like to laugh?”
9 Or if we want to rent a bicycle by Central Park.
10 Pry at how much our rent is before you even know our last name.
11 Make us walk through Times Square. Ever.
12 If you make us walk through Times Square on a Saturday night, consider yourself dead to us.
13 Be a slow barista.
14 Look at us with disappointment, a look that says “And you call yourself a New Yorker?”, when we don’t know any better than you how to score SNL or Book of Mormon tickets.
15 Yell, “It’s SHOWTIME!”
16 Take us to dinner at Olive Garden.
17 Require medical attention while on the train. We’ll hope you’re okay, but we’ll also hate you for causing the entire subway system to shut down and making us crazy late.
18 Sit on the subway and play a game with the sound on. Our level of hatred will rise with every little warble your fucking phone makes.
19 Think you know this town because you did an internship here the summer after your sophomore year of college.
20 Charge more than one dollar for a mediocre slice of pizza.
21 Wait until the 3rd date, just when we’re really starting to like you, to tell us you live in New Jersey.
22 Make us see your 0ne-man, Off-Off Broadway show.
23 Or ever worse, your boyfriend’s one-man, Off-Off Broadway show.
24 Steal our cab.
25 Cut us in line.
26 Get the attention of the bartender immediately, after we’ve been trying fruitlessly for 5 minutes.
27 Tell us, “Sorry Happy Hour ended at 8!” when our watches read 8:02PM.
28 Have your birthday party in Bushwick.
29 Hold the door on the subway for your friends who are right behind you. We’d do the same thing, but that doesn’t stop us from hating you right now for holding up the train.
30 Suck face on the subway, spot lit in fluorescent lighting. Oh sure, we’ve all been there. But we’re not in a lip lock now and thus we think you’re disgusting.
31 Visit our town, stay with us in our tiny apartment, drag us to the Statue of Liberty, and beg us to take a bus tour with you. On a weekday.
33 Say anything along the lines of “I hate New York, I don’t now how you live here!”
What would you add to this list? And how many of these aren’t necessarily NYC specific?
- Gifs courtesy of all my favorite NYC based shows: Sex and the City, How I Met Your Mother, Friends, 30 Rock, Girls, and Seinfeld