Come child, come sit on my knee and I’ll tell you a story of the olden days.
Long ago- before Ubers roamed the streets, when only rich nerds had iPhones- way back then, people got excited for first dates.
I imagine telling this story to my 21-year-old co-worker who is fresh out of undergrad. She’d probably shriek and fall off my knee, “OMG LOL no way! That never happened IRL, only in the movies!”
Here in 2016, first dates are chores. “Ugh, tonight I have to pick up toilet paper and go on a first date.” Let’s be honest, sometimes the choice between two-ply and extra soft is more stimulating than first date conversation.
First date butterflies are on the endangered species list.
With the explosion of online dating, first dates are nothing like what they used to be. Now you’re meeting someone for the first time, after only seeing pictures and typed communication. Chances are they’ll be to short, too tall, too quiet, too annoying, too little chemistry, talk too much, etc, etc. All things you realize within two minutes meeting someone.
Why do we still call these interactions first dates?
I propose a complete re-branding, a drastic name change for the meeting-for-the-first-time-in-real-life date. I’ve got some ideas.
Idea #1: Visually Impaired Date
See, they’re not exactly blind dates because we’ve seen pictures and had some interaction. So let’s call them visually impaired. Sometimes the prescription is higher than others!
Problem with Idea #1: It sounds too serious. This meeting should absolutely not be taken too seriously. When shorted, “VI date” sounds like “Very Important Date”. No! It’s the opposite! I needed a better idea…
Idea #2: Meet ‘n’ Greet
I like the rhyme, it makes it easy to not take this social gathering seriously.
Problem with idea #2: “Meet and Greet” typically refers to paying money to meet a celebrity. Maybe that translates to dating for some dudes? Hm…we still need something more original…
#3: Building off “Meet ‘n’ Greet”, more stupid rhyming ideas. The stupider the better, I say!
Caf ‘n’ Laugh
When you meet over a caffeinated beverage!
Drink ‘n’ Wink
When you meet for drinks! (Disclaimer: literal winking not recommended.)
Meet ‘n’ Meat
When you meet for sex and nothing else!
That pretty much covers 90% of first offline meetings. Let me know what I’m missing? Pass it on to your friends: “Going on a Drink n Wink tonight!”
I want to save the “first date” for when I know I actually like someone. Bring back first date butterflies! Bring back the thrill of picking your outfit because you want to impress your date.
Let’s leave the, “Tonight may very well suck,” for Caf ‘n’ Laughs and, “Tonight might be amazing,” for actual first dates.