Summer in the city. With the five day forecast consistently in the 90s, New York is quick to become sweltering, sticky, and stinky. It’s the best time to GTFO and flee to greener pastures and/or the beach. If you stay, the smell of garbage, simmering in the sun, is likely to envelope your senses any time you leave your apartment.
So what’s a New Yorker who’s staying in town for the summer to do? Resign ourselves to a Season of Stench? NO!
Let’s get pro-active and come up with some solutions!
1. Start a clothes pins nose trend.
Septum piercings are so spring 2016. Together we can make clothes pins the must-have trend of summer 2016!
2. Carry flowers every where you go.
Bury your nose in a giant bouquet when you pass any trash receptacle or urinating dog or person. By the time the kids are going back to school, you’ll be convinced this town always smelled like a rose!
3. Catch a horrible, nasal passage obstructing, head cold and never let it go.
The perfect recipe to catch a cold: put yourself in the proximity of children. Unless you have the immune system of Wolverine, you’ll wake up the next morning with a head cold so bad you won’t be able to smell anything for days! Simply repeat this process all summer, never giving your nose a chance to un-stuff itself!
4. Date people who dowse themselves in Axe Body Spray.
You’ll never be able to smell anything else as long as he’s around!
5. Get your grandmother to move in with you.
The only thing more potent than Axe Body Spray is Old Lady Perfume.
6. Channel Mary Katherine Gallagher and be a Superstar.
In the battle of armpit smell VS garbage stench, you can choose the lesser of two evils!
7. Convince your entire neighborhood to go trash-free for the summer!
This woman produced so little trash in a year, it all fit in a mason jar! She makes it look so fun (not pretentious or obnoxious at all) that all your neighbors will definitely get on board! Especially the ones with small children!
How do you escape horrible summer smells? Do mouth breathers not have to worry about this?
Happy summer! Happy smelling!