So some of you hoped for more of the story of my Drunken Falafel Date. Oh dear reader, there is much, much more. Let’s start at the very beginning:
I almost didn’t reply to his initial message. It was friendly but generic, void of any indication he’d read any part of my online dating profile. Call me old-fashioned, call me an Only Child Cliché, but I expect a message that’s written just for me. It takes all of 30 seconds to throw in some bullshit from my “Six Things I Can’t Live Without”. I am worth more than the same two sentences you copy/paste to all the girls.
I rolled my eyes at his message but his picture caught my eye. The image showed him standing in Times Square, sandwiched between a Cookie Monster and an Elmo, a huge grin on his face. I couldn’t help but smile. It was the perfect companion picture to one of my favorite pictures:
If we have perfect matching pictures, maybe we have perfect matching personalities! I messaged him back, “How much did you pay Elmo for your picture?”
I almost didn’t go on a first date with him. I was tired, cranky, hangry. You already heard that story (Epic Dating Secrets Revealed! Get Drunk, Stuff Your Face, Be Cool!).
I almost didn’t agree to a second date. I’d been more into my falafel sandwich than into him. But my falafel didn’t text me the next day to say, “You’re really fucking cool.” He used the right “you’re” and everything. This kind of behavior should be rewarded! I decided to give him a second shot.
I almost didn’t get that second shot. Three hours before we’re supposed to meet for date #2 my phone buzzed. “Work blah blah Crazy blah blah Sorry blah blah Have to cancel.” UGH. So typical! Why is this the norm dating is today? It’s almost predictable! I HATE when people bail on dates! Unacceptable behavior. “FUCK YOU. GOOD BYE!” I said aloud and deleted deleted all his texts.
I expected to never hear from him again. That was almost the end of the story.
Six weeks after our first date he texted me. I was shocked. This is not the norm. I was so caught off guard I agree to give a second date a second try. “But just so we’re clear: if you cancel on me again, fuck you forever.”
I almost didn’t make it to this second date. I was over half an hour late. Whatever, I’m always late! Get used to it, dude! At least I didn’t cancel! I was meeting him right by his office in Dumbo! I let him know I was running late! Excuses, excuses: I didn’t care because my expectations for this date were lower than my alcohol tolerance.
Then I saw him. He was significantly cuter than I remembered. Smarter too. Suddenly I was walking under the Brooklyn Bridge on a completely unexpected great second date. My expectations blown out of the water.
I almost didn’t believe it. It was almost too good to be true.
We watched the sunset over Manhattan from Brooklyn Bridge Park. We got beers at the outdoor bar and sat laughing and chatting. I didn’t get drunk this time. We walked down to the end of the park. I wondered if he was going to kiss me. I wanted him too. Then I could tell he was going to. We kissed, backlight by the Manhattan skyline. This is exactly where first kisses are supposed to take place.
Now the question is, what will the moral of this story will be?
A. Matching Times Square pictures = match made in heaven
B. Unacceptable behavior in the beginning is easily forgiven if he puts in effort to make amends.
C. All second dates should be long romantic walks in the parks.
D. If he exhibits unacceptable behavior in the beginning, you can bet your ass that’ll come back to bite your ass in the end.
Foreshadowing? Cliffhanger?? I almost can’t wait to tell you what happens next.