1. Never ask if they like stand up comedy.

2. Walk. Faster. 

3. Let them cut you in line at Trader Joe’s.

4. Give them a seat on the subway.

5. Wake them up with Doughnut Plant and MUD coffee.

6. Rent. Control.

7. Roof. Access.

8. Get them tickets to Hamilton.

9. Move to the right of the escalator damn it if you intend to be fucking lazy stand still.

10. Tell them not to attend your one-man Off-Off-Broadway show.

11. If they are in the one-man Off-Off-Broadway show, tell them you loved it.

12. Complement their shoes.

13. Don’t make them leave their borough.

14. Take them to the Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade.

15. Never call them a hipster (even if they undeniably are one).

16. Show up on time for once. On the weekend. When the L is not running.

17. Listen to them bitch about how much the L sucks. Sympathize.

18. Ask them where they get their haircut without the agenda of selling them a spa package.

19. Refrain from Bible pushing. Forever more, amen.

20. Invite them to an event with an open bar.

21. Root for the Mets in the World Series!

22. Read their blog (duh).