Time Out New York Undateables: Super Sweet VS Cruelly Candid?

I went into my Time Out New York Undateables interview with the objective of producing “good copy”. I wanted the write-up to be fun to read. I didn’t worry about being nice. I didn’t consider the feelings of the person I’d been on a date with. When the interviewer laughed out loud as I described my date’s facial hair, I thought,”Yeah! This is good!”

I was honest about my experience, totally candid in recapping my date. It shows.

If this is too hard to read, click for the online edition.

TONY-undateables

I totally succeeded with my objective. My write-up is anything but boring! It’s got some funny lines, it’s clearly candid! It might even make you wince, maybe even chuckle!

So why don’t I feel great about it?

I left that date feeling like we were both on the same page: just not that into it. He didn’t ask for my number which I thought made very clear he didn’t want to see me again. Well, according to his published side of this story, that assumption was entirely wrong. Everything he said couldn’t be nicer. He said some really sweet things, complements that should be ego boosters, but now just make me feel bad. If I’d had any idea he’d been at all into me, that would have changed the way I talked about this date.

Why was I so honest? Don’t I know that the only place for honesty and candor- when it comes to first dates- is brunch? Not a city circulated magazine! Why hadn’t I even thought about being nice? What’s wrong with me? Before I’d laughed about the “undateable” title, but now I couldn’t help but wonder…. maybe it’s true! Maybe I really am undateable! Who wants to date a bitch?

Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 8.19.51 PM
The photographer asked me to pose in many different ways. This of course was the one I hoped they wouldn’t pick. Crossed arms = bitch pose?

I’m not a bitch. I’m just a woman who dislikes scraggly, scruff-gone-wild and isn’t afraid to say it. Who sometimes says the word “aura” because she’s from San Francisco and laughs at herself for it. Who loves a good story. Who believes no one should ever, ever tell a story about recently peeing their pants on a first date. If this article stops ONE PERSON from sharing such a story in a romantic setting, this whole experience was WORTH IT.

But he was a good person. Who probably didn’t deserve all of Time Out New York’s readership knowing he pissed himself on the subway. But why did he tell me?? On a first date especially! On a first date HE KNEW WAS GOING TO BE WRITTEN UP IN A MAGAZINE!! WHY, RONNY, WHY?? I told you I liked storytelling, you knew I was a blogger, how could you possibly expect me to resist sharing an awkward moment of that caliber? I just couldn’t. If that makes me a bitch, well, I have no choice but to accept the moniker.

I’m a story-loving, mean, “crazy-eyed”, “fame chaser”. At least according to some Time Out New York readers on Facebook!

Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 6.03.25 PM

Yep! They didn’t use the b-word though! And they read my blog! Thanks guys! Bye guys!

I wanted to be in Time Out New York for the experience, for the story, and for insight from the guy’s perspective, on what it’s like to date meDid I get what I wanted? Maybe? But am I really that great on a date? Bubbly and “more fun than most people”, a “generally pretty lady”? Or was my date being overly nice while I was being overly honest?

I’ll never know.

Unless I tweet at him…but that’s probably not the best idea…

If I’m perfectly honest (my downfall and my charm), I wanted to be in Time Out New York Undateables in part for the blog exposure. My “Why She’s Single” makes that blatantly, shamelessly obvious. Truly, I can not imaging putting myself through this kind of thing if I didn’t have some self-promotion motive. Would I do it again? FUCK NO. Am I glad I did it? Yes.

undateables

Would I recommend you do it? No. But if you think it sounds like fun, or have similar self-promotion motives, email undateable@timeout.com and they will hook you up!

I’d love to hear what you think of this whole experience! Do you think I was too candid? Was I stupid for not being nicer? Is it shameless to do this sort of thing because it’s fun for my blog? Do you agree with the commenters on Time Out’s Facebook page? I’d really love to hear anything you have to say, there’s so much to talk about with this! I hope you’ll leave a comment or join in discussion that’s already started on Facebook and Twitter

 

About New York Cliche

NYC lifestyle blog by Mary Lane. Events, adventures, epic mistakes, dating, life, humor. A 20-something trying to make it (and make out) in the city of dreams.

10 thoughts on “Time Out New York Undateables: Super Sweet VS Cruelly Candid?

  1. I saw those guys’ comments on the TimeOut Facebook link and was just drafting a response to their thread when I clicked on this and saw you’d referenced it. Their comments were both mean and really, really predictable. I get negative comments all the time (through my work rather than my blog) and it’s shitty because people online are SO ready to be mean to everyone and anyone. I’m always shocked that people — including ‘professional’ people — say the things they do about strangers online. So even if you’d been really sweet, the trolls still would’ve come out. That’s unavoidable.

    You came across as funny, and he definitely made you sound really easy to talk to, as if you were basically leading the date. That paints you in a really good light. I suppose the danger of these things is you just don’t know what the other person will say… You could’ve come away being really sweet and HE could’ve turned around and said you were dull or something. That happens every single week with this column!

    Also if he’s telling a girl on a FIRST DATE that he peed his pants, I’m pretty sure he must’ve told a lot of his friends already, right?!

    Basically, don’t worry about it — and honestly, good for you! It’s really brave and a good experience for many reasons (and it’s good the date was semi-enjoyable!). I know the internet trolls sting sometimes, but us readers know you have a fantastic blog and a fantastic personality 🙂
    Lydia recently posted……hopped on the Water TaxiMy Profile

    1. Aw Lydia, thanks so much for this comment (she says a month later- ugh sorry I’m so bad at replying)! It’s made me realize I’m so lucky that everyone who reads my blog is so supportive. Trolls (and predictable misogynists) stay away for the most part! That’s kind of crazy you have to deal with them at work, but at least you’re paid to handle the trolls? And it’s probably made you less sensitive to stupid jerks (I need to get better at that), a super valuable skill!

    1. Well this is the best advice ever. And I sort of followed it? It was a struggle to not second-guess the whole thing. But I am glad I could share my candid feelings with you guys!

  2. I don’t see how anyone could equate “bitch” with how you come off in this article. There is absolutely nothing for you to worry about in terms of your comments. They are honest and you seem like a lively young woman which is not atypical of someone in the arts. I also don’t think you were at all unflattering in regards to him. He just comes off as someone who is not your type. I hope it gets you the exposure you want.

    1. Thanks Leonard. Your male perspective on this was totally appreciated! It is insane how quick people are to jump to the “bitch” title, anytime they possibly can. This experience made me realize that. Thanks for the reassurance, I need to trust myself more that I’m not a bitch!

  3. I think you were exactly right to be totally honest. What have you missed out on? The chance to hide your true feelings and delay the discovery that you two weren’t compatible, or that you just weren’t that crazy about him? Honesty doesn’t have to be overly blunt or rude, but it is better – no matter what form it takes – than anything else.

  4. I think you’re fine being honest. You didn’t seem mean, but rather that you just weren’t that into him. It’s less interesting to read in a magazine about a series of dates that are just SO awesome with SUCH nice people–that’s not how real life dates are, at least not every single time.
    Sabina recently posted…Vancouver in 7 SquaresMy Profile

    1. YES! That’s a good point…I’d rather be “interesting” than “nice” annnny day of the week, always. And that’s why I did this. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge