You could call me thrifty, you could call me cheap. Potayto, potahto.
The outfit I’m wearing as I type cost a grand total of $37.98.
Top: $7.99 Goodwill
Jeans: FREE My roommate got too skinny for them so she gave them to someone fatter (me).
Shoes: $29.99 Nine West Outlet
Necklace: FREE I worked at a jewelry sample sale and when it was all over the company was like- please just take this expensive jewelry we didn’t sell! (Yeah, best job ever.)
I got my bed frame free off Craigslist.
My hair was cut and colored by a student, all I paid was a $10 product fee.
I’m drunk after 3 drinks. I put the cheap in “cheap date”.
This is the way I keep from starving in America’s most expensive city. Thrifty, cheap, frugal, fiscally conservative: That’s me.
Which is why I stared at my date incredulously when he said:
“You’re cooler than I thought you might be. You know your online dating profile says you’re very expensive?”
“Um. What are you talking about?”
It was a first date. He’d sent me a message that stood out amid the sea of “Hey. What’s up?” and other copy-pasted wastes of time. I was getting to know the 3D version of him over drinks.
“Yeah,” he continued, “In the, ‘First things people usually notice about me’ section. You made a joke about boobs and then you wrote ‘I’m very expensive.'”
I laughed, “It doesn’t say ‘expensive’! It says ‘I’m very expressive!’ Expressive! HA! That’s hilarious you read it wrong! Teehee!”
Great. I’m on a date with a guy who can’t read.
Or was he on a date with a girl who couldn’t write?
As soon as he said it, I doubted everything. My mom always claimed I was slightly dyslexic, but never got me tested. Any one who has ever read my blog knows you could make drinking game out of every typo, grammar, spelling mistake I make (some one totally should and then write a guest post about the experience!). It certainly sounded like something I would do…
“I thought you might have meant ‘expressive’,” he said, “‘I’m very expensive’ was such a strange thing to have on a dating profile! You certainly are expressive!”
I made a face, or five, to emphasize the point. I was kinda dazzled by this possibility.
“Wow, that’s embarrassing,” I said, “If I wrote ‘expensive’ instead of ‘expressive’.” But I still didn’t quite believe him. He’d read it wrong. This was on him, not me. I wasn’t that ridiculous.
“It was probably auto correct,” he said.
“Sure, let’s blame auto correct.”
We resisted the urge to grab our phones, settle the debate once and for all. Instead we moved on to talk of siblings or places traveled, or something else from the list of Things Discussed on First Dates.
The next day I remembered our conversation and checked my profile.
He was right. I was completely wrong. I had to laugh. Then text him to let him know.
“I should never have said anything!” He texted back, “Maybe it was scaring a few people off haha”
Maybe it was! Maybe I’ve been scaring off ALL New York City’s most eligible bachelors because they think I demand no expense spared! Maybe that one fucking word is the one reason I’m having little luck in love these days!
I owe this guy a lot for alerting me such an error. Okay, I don’t owe him a lot. But at least a second date.
I can’t make this stuff up. Don’t worry, I’m laughing at myself too.
Will this get me to better proof read my blog?
Anyone else have a funny online dating profile fail? Please share in the comments! And maybe, if it made you laugh, think about sharing this post!