On Sunday the Metro Transit Authority (MTA)increased all subway fares. New Yorkers are not happy. A single ride went from $2.50 to $2.75. Those, like me, who take the subway multiple times a day, saw their Monthly Metro Card fee increase from $112 to $116.50.

$4.50 may not seem like a lot folks, but it’s going to result in some very real, life changes for me. As a New York Cliché I am giving voice to the plight of many New Yorkers. I will share the monthly sacrifices I am forced to make because of this fare hike.

Month to Month Sacrifices Caused by the MTA Fare Increase

APRIL

I’ll forget my umbrella at home and get soaked all thanks to the MTA. I would’ve bought a $5 one (totally could’ve haggled down to $4.50) from a street vendor but no. That money went to my unlimited Metrocard and now it’s either get soaked or stand under an awning for 30 minutes instead.

 MAY

Sorry Mommy, I can’t get you that $4.50 Hallmark card covered in shiny pictures and generic words. I’ll have to give you a home-made, personal card instead. I know, you’ll be so disappointed! It’s not my fault, Mom! It’s the stupid Transit Authority’s fault! Fare is not fair!

JUNE

There’s going to a sunny day in June where all I want is Pinkberry. With all the toppings, duh. It’ll be hot enough that I start seeing mirages of froyo on the streets of NYC. But I won’t be able to satisfy my craving because a small cup is at least $4.50. Sigh. So sweaty and sad.

JULY

The perfect month to go to the Frying Pan where my roommate bar tends. I’ll order 2 of the most hard-to-make cocktails on the menu. I would’ve left a $4.50 tip but… My roomie knows that money went to my monthly Metrocard. She’ll understand.

AUGUST

Eh, I’m going on vacation with my family for two weeks this month. I wouldn’t have bought a monthly Metrocard anyway! Ha, take that MTA! Maybe I’ll spend the other 2 weeks riding CitiBike everywhere! Joke’s on you this month, Metro Transit Authority!

SEPTEMBER

Stealing from your employer is wrong. But the MTA has left me little choice! Before the fare hike I totally would have spent my hard-earned $4.50 on a nice gel-ink pen that writes like a dream. When my Metrocard was $112 a month, I never would have dreamed of stealing a pen from the office! But at $116.50, I don’t have that kind of cash! I’ll slip the pen into my purse while leaving the office, no one’s the wiser. That’s right, folks, the MTA’ll turn me into a petty thief.

OCTOBER

I CAN’T GET A GRANDE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE! #psl #fml #FuckMTA

NOVEMBER

I’m sure I won’t be the only New Yorker axing cranberry sauce from Thanksgiving. $4.50 had to come out of the Turkey Day meal budget and it was either that or the bottle $4.50 of wine I can get from Trader Joe’s (a splurge from my usual 3 Buck Chuck). The cranberry, pretty and sweet as it is, never had a chance over the almighty grape.

DECEMBER

I might as well let the cat out of the bag now: I’m not buying Pip the Cat a Christmas present. Hey, that’s what the little ungrateful gets for showing minimal interest in any adorable mouse toy I ever bought him! Okay, I’m not a Grinch, I’ll give him the box someone else’s present ships in. Believe me, he will love it more than anything money can buy. And I will save my $4.50.

JANUARY

We’ll never find out if I can pull off earmuffs because I can’t buy the ones that are on sale for $4.50 at H&M. This will be my last winter as a 20-something and a part of me hopes I won’t shop at H&M once I turn 30. This is probably my last chance to wear quirky, cute, cheap-ass earmuffs. My last chance, the MTA fare increase destroys MY LAST CHANCE!!

FEBRUARY

On February 15th I will resist buying that huge bag of pink and red peanut M&M’s that are now 50% off. This candy cost $9 yesterday, today everything changed. It’s such a good deal! Peanut M&M’s are my favorite! I’m probably still single, maybe on my period too! Chocolate would make everything so much better! No. I can’t. Because MTA.

MARCH

That last beer of the night, the one I kinda know I shouldn’t even be drinking? It’s going to have to be a $4 PBR. The attractive man I’m talking to, he would think I was  much more sophisticated if I ordered the chocolate stout I really want. But no, he’s just going to think I’m trashy/a hipster. Which, if I’m being honest, is pretty accurate at the end of a night of drinking.

The hardships we New Yorkers endure at the mercy of one of the best 24 hour underground subway systems in the world.