I Think You’re Great But You’re Not the Guy For Me

“Mary Lane, I think you’re great, but [choose your own cliché!].”

[We want different things.]

[I need to take time to focus on myself.]

[I can’t give you what you need.]

[I’m not looking for anything serious.]

[I’m in love with someone else.]

[Work is just crazy right now.]

[It’s not you, it’s me.]

Let's play this game
Get ready for this game!

When you’ve been dating in New York City for as long as I have (almost 7 years!!), you’ve heard them all. You’ve also said most them, but with a little more creativity (or so you’d like to think). I used to be obsessed with finding out why my relationships with men never got off the ground. How else will I learn from it?? Why doesn’t he like me?? What did I do wrong??

Now I just translate his bull shit break-up excuses into the only thing I need to understand: [You’re not the guy for me.]

This works like a charm.

he loves me
He loves me….

It’s what I did when a guy I’d been seeing for 6 weeks, a guy who I was really starting to like, suddenly went silent. When I texted him asking him what was up, I knew the answer would be some version “I think you’re great, but “. I was right, but his reason was one I’d never come across before.

“Mary Lane, I think you’re great but, [I’m just not over my ex. I shouldn’t be dating now.]

He loves me not...
He loves me not…

I couldn’t roll my eyes at that one. He wasn’t giving me cliché. It felt like the honest truth. I couldn’t write a blog post making fun of it. It just felt sad. I just felt sad. He, I assume, just felt sad

He was the first guy I’d been kind of excited about since my shitty break-up. It had been a month of great dates. Walking to Highline together, stopping to watch the sun set and share a sneaky thermos of contraband gin & tonic. An outdoor screening of my all time favorite NYC movie,  When Harry Met Sally in a park along the East River. Picnics in Central Park. I liked him enough to make the trip over to Weehawken, New Jersey where he lived. We cooked dinner together and I met his dog, who I actually kind of liked, and I’m not a big dog person.

he loves me 2
He loves me…

My roommate met him and she immediately said, “He makes sense for you. More than any other guy I’ve ever seen you with.” On our second date he walked me home. Holding hands, we stood waiting for the light to change on Broadway. A couple of teen-aged girls were waiting for the light too. “I’m sorry,” said one of the girls, “But you guys are really cute together.” My friends liked us together, random teenagers liked us together, I liked us together.

He loves me he loves me not
He loves me not….

None of that mattered. I was great and he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. That was that. I haven’t spoken to him since.

Stupid flower!
Stupid flower!

But you know who has spoken since? My roommate and this guy’s brother. In the teeny tiny world that is Manhattan, these two worked together a couple of years ago. (This connection was made through a bout of Facebook stalking, on my part. I admit it.) The two of them recently caught up over coffee. My roommate swears she didn’t prompt the conversation.

“He said he moved in with his brother because he was having such a hard time coping with his break-up,” my roommate told me of their conversation.

“Whoa. That’s rough. That must’ve been really rough.” I said. His reason for ending things with me certainly hadn’t been bullshit.

“Yeah, he said it’s been hard for him.” my roommate continued, “He also said, “But my brother had a really good time with your roommate.”

Meaning me.

“Shut up. You prompted that.”

“I did not! That was what he said!”

And you know what? It made me feel great, but….it doesn’t change that he’s not the guy for me. It doesn’t change that I don’t know who the fuck is. Still, it was a really nice thing to hear.

Why do I keep playing these games!
I’ve got to stop playing these games!

 All photos credit: John Michael Decker

About New York Cliche

NYC lifestyle blog by Mary Lane. Events, adventures, epic mistakes, dating, life, humor. A 20-something trying to make it (and make out) in the city of dreams.

4 thoughts on “I Think You’re Great But You’re Not the Guy For Me

  1. The images that go along with the post is great, haha. And I’ve actually given that same reasoning twice now. Even when I thought it was smitten just one weird moment had to come that reminded it just quite wasn’t it because I just quite wasn’t healed yet. Thoughts to ponder 🙂 but you’ll find your NYC Prince Charming – I’m sure of it.
    Sonya recently posted…I’m Breaking Up With You, NetflixMy Profile

  2. Omg your photos.

    Aww you poor thing. Maybe he’ll come around again. I was dating a really nice guy and I called him boyfriend (after seeing each other for nearly 2 months) and he flipped out, apparently due to his last relationship.

    I have a tricky situation now because I need to tell a 2-dater-guy that I don’t see him as a match as he’s obsessed with having babies. He talked long and hard about them in the two dates so far and I do not want that. I’ll be straight though, of course.
    Charlotte Steggz recently posted…The Voices Isn’t A Good Date FilmMy Profile

  3. Well nowadays it’s really difficult to find a nice guy. ..We spend a lot of time dating somebody, but I think even if it seems that you can stay alone forever, you shouldn’t give up. Such sites as https://kovla.com/datings/us/new-york-city help us to find love. There can be break ups of course, there can be troubles, but nevertheless you WILL find the one who will make you happy!

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