15 Things I Would Rather Do Than Spend NYE in Times Square

1 Attend a party held in a public restroom.

2 Shadow a mariachi band throughout the entire NYC subway system.

3 Be the only single person on a romantic evening with all my exes and their new girlfriends.

4 Take a Church of Scientology “Free Stress Test”.

5 Sit on a rock at Coney Island, shivering from midnight through the first sunrise of the new year, then jump in the Atlantic for the 1PM Polar Bear Plunge.

6 Get drunk at home alone on my couch, listening to Taylor Swift’s 1989 on repeat, and kissing my cat when the clock strikes midnight.

7 Go on a date with the Naked Cowboy.

8  Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge topless (this is legal in NYC!).

9 Ring in 2015 at Belvue Hospital with a pap smear, a colonoscopy, and a wave “hello” to the patients of the Ebola isolation ward.

10 Give a full body massage to the guy who turns the whole subway car into a Stinky Place of Doom.

11 Watch a seven hour performance art piece of “Artist Recites Decimal Places of Pi”.

12 Go up and down the elevators at Toys R Us until one gets stuck and I’m trapped with a bunch of strangers and screaming children.

13 Hand wash the costumes of every Elmo in Times Square.

14 Invite all the guys who sell comedy tickets on the street to my apartment for a party.

15 Sleep.

And you? I’d love to hear what would you rather do than spend NYE in Times Square!



About New York Cliche

NYC lifestyle blog by Mary Lane. Events, adventures, epic mistakes, dating, life, humor. A 20-something trying to make it (and make out) in the city of dreams.

8 thoughts on “15 Things I Would Rather Do Than Spend NYE in Times Square

  1. I’ve never understood why it is that people go out there. I know a handful of New Yorkers who have and it baffles me. I don’t even hit Times Square on the average day just to avoid raging in tourists. This just looks like a disaster waiting to happen every single year.

    Where the hell is one supposed to pee?
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