Doctor, Lawyer, Banker: those are all the clichés. Let’s fantasize about my next boyfriend having a more modest (and realistic) profession.
1 Delivery Guy
I assume every time he came over he’d bring take-out with him. Or flowers! Picking between a flower delivery and a food delivery guy would be really hard!
2 Taxi Driver
Free rides all the time! I’d never be late again!
You hate doing your taxes right? Well imagine having about 20 W-2 and 1099s each year: that’s my reality. I love the flexibility my freelance life gets me, but every April I curse myself for it and for not dating an accountant.
4 Stand-up Comedian
He could talk all about me in his set, I could right all about him in my blog, neither of us would take it too seriously, and it’d be perfect!
I’d finally know what it’s like to date a blogger!
He’d take pictures of me where ever we went and my blog would look so much prettier and I’d have way more than 350 Instagram followers and everything, even our love, would be photoshopped.
7 Dan Smith (of “Learn Guitar with Dan Smith” fame)
Any one who lives in New York has seen a Dan Smith poster.
I think learning to play guitar would help my career. But I don’t want to learn enough to pay for lessons…so the obvious solution is to date Dan Smith! He’s kinda cute in a non-threatening way.
8 Culinary Student
Their homework is to cook incredibly complicated and delicious meals. They have to practice that shit all the time.
9 Underwear Model
Because I could do my laundry on his washboard abs and never have to go to the cursed laundromat again!
10 Laundry Attendent
If my boyfriend was a laundry attendant, I wouldn’t have to worry about who was pawing my underwear when I do drop off! And maybe I’d actually dry clean like all those labels I ignore!
11 Dog Walker
All the puppy cuteness, NONE of the responsibility!
Having a man offer to give you a massage only to discover his fear that the slightest bit of pressure will break you is a huge disappointment. Ever since my first professional massage I’ve said I wanted to marry a masseuse (this is largely to to my love of alliteration as well).