The Epic Journey to New York City Ikea

Every day is an adventure when you call New York City home. In the city that never sleeps, even a mundane errand like getting a new futon can be a great story.

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Once upon a there was a nice black futon cover from Ikea. It lived happily in a New York apartment shared by three roommates. One day the roommates got a little white cat. Soon the black futon looked like a lint brush it was so coated in cat hair. Things got worse, much worse. A night drinking and haphazard hookah smoking left several charred holes in the fabric. Now the futon resembled the nest of a giant, fire-breathing cat. It remained in this haggard state for many moons.

One bright summer day I decided I couldn’t take it any more. “I’m getting a new futon cover!” I proclaimed to my roommates, April and Rose, “It’s been too long! The old thing makes me depressed!” They readily agreed. With this resolve, we began preparations for the journey to Ikea. That afternoon we set sail for the land of cheap Swedish furniture. Getting to the New York City Ikea is a serious quest! The only places in NYC with enough space for a store of this size are remarkably inaccessible. You can’t take the subway to Ikea. You have to drive, take a shuttle bus, or a water taxi. Why go by land when you can go by sea (or at least river)? I told ya this was going to be an adventure!

Ikea Water Taxi ViewThe boat ride to Ikea is an experience of itself. The air-conditioned inside the NY Water Taxi is clean with cushioned seats. You can opt to sit on the roof where the wind will whip your hair and you’ll see some perfect city sights! The downtown city skyline, the Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges. People come from all over the world to see the sights that are just a part of a local errand run to Ikea!

Over exposed roommate who are loving their Water Taxi ride!
Over exposed roommate enjoying their Ikea Water Taxi ride!

The boat ride flew, in no time the water taxi docked and the great expanse of Ikea stretched out in front of us. I was a first timer. I’d never been to Ikea before! I was prepared to be overwhelmed. Good thing too, the place is huge! Everything you could possibly imagine for your apartment is here! It’s all laid out like a dream! A little fantasy world where you walk around an pretending you live in the perfectly designed rooms they demonstrate. Suddenly you feel your life is incomplete without a funky chandelier above your head, without a watering can for perfectly blooming flower pots!

Ikea Brooklyn

Brooklyn Ikea goofing off

If we were children, we’d throw a tantrum, “I WANT IT! I WANT IT ALL! WHY CAN’T I HAVE IT? IT’S NOT FAIR!!” But we’re not children, we’re grown-ass women. So instead we pretend to drink wine from the bottles in the “hi- bachlorette-pad-living-room” display.

brooklyn ikea wine display

Instead of sitting and pouting, we remember all the furniture is cheaply made and, more importantly, we’d have to assemble it all. Ugh. That makes it much easier to resist buying everything! The one thing we came to get, the futon cover, requires no assembly what so ever. Phew. But we still had to find the damn thing! In warehouse of rows and rows of boxes only identified by serial number!

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I thought my head might explode, but it didn’t. We finally found the perfect futon cover (and several other small items): quest completed! We got on line, paid for our items, and began the long journey home. We were giddy; it had been a surprisingly enjoyable day and we couldn’t wait to replace our sad old futon cover with our lovely new one! It would liven up the whole room! When we got home we ripped the charred, cat hair encrusted mess off the futon and pulled its brand new replacement out of its plastic covering. With much glee we put the new cover on. And then we recoiled in horror.

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There was a huge stain on it! That’s not a shadow from some bizarre chandelier! That’s a stain! We were devastated. Then disappointment quickly turned to anger. How could this happen? The thing was sealed in plastic! Our trip to Ikea had taken hours! No one had the time to do it again to return the defective cover! We all immediately jumped on social media, crying out to Ikea customer service our fury. Unacceptable! Huge disappointment! Reprehensible! We’re never shopping at your establishment again!

All spoken in the heat of the moment. Turns out Ikea customer service is excellent. So good I will in fact, I would absolutely shop there again (well, only at stores I can get to by water taxi). They delivered a new futon cover to our door with in two business days, no further questions asked. Phew. Well played, Ikea.

Our futon cover is great, almost as great as our trip to Ikea in Brooklyn. I’m serious, it was a really enjoyable day!

leaving ikea brooklyn
One leaves Ikea as one leaves the airport: on a moving escalator. See? Epic!

 

About New York Cliche

NYC lifestyle blog by Mary Lane. Events, adventures, epic mistakes, dating, life, humor. A 20-something trying to make it (and make out) in the city of dreams.

14 thoughts on “The Epic Journey to New York City Ikea

  1. I can’t believe it – you have never been to Ikea before? Here in Germany, Ikea is everybody’s second living-room, and I sometimes just go there to have a look and eat köttbullar (meatballs). And the professional Ikea shopper (with all due modesty – that’s what I am) prepares the Ikea trip online: I always look up every serial number of the items and where to find them, then I make a list. My record is at 20 minutes for a whole Ikea shopping experience: Walking through the warehouses, finding everything and passing the checkout. 🙂
    But unfortunately, we can’t go there by water taxi, maybe I should try out an Ikea in Venice 🙂

    1. 20 minutes!?!? I am astounded, impressed, shocked! You truly are a professional.I got distracted by EVERYTHING! Which was kinda fun (as is obvious from this post). But the next time I go? Let me know if you’re available for hire in NYC 🙂 Also, do they actually have an Ikea in Venice? Not sure why this surprises me, but it does!

  2. Just discovered your blog a few days ago. I love it! I dream of living in NYC someday, and this is the closest I can get to the experience, at least for now. I’ve never been to an Ikea warehouse, at least not that I remember (maybe when I was a kid). Hell, my city doesn’t even have rivers u__u Oh, well, I hope Mr. Cat is gentle to that new futton cover!

    Keep up the good work! 😀

    1. I love it when people live vicariously through my blog! Welcome! I want to say you’d remember if you’d been to Ikea, haha. I wouldn’t say Pip the Cat is gentle ever- he’s a rapscallion. But we’re keeping him in check with the futon, helps that it’s too hot for him to want to lie on it 🙂
      Thanks so much for reading and for leaving a comment, definitely hope you make it to NYC soon!

  3. Wow that’s some trip just to buy a futon cover!
    Also what you can do is, place a big cloth ( I don’t know what you call it but it’s a bit thick than your normal bed sheet) that usually has fringes at the ends! Whenever in danger that the futon might get stained again, you can just throw it over!

    1. We really decided to make the most of the trip and make a day out of it. Made a chore charming!
      Thanks for the advice about the cloth- I’m definitely going to look into that, don’t want to have to get a new futon cover any time soon!

      1. Haha true that! And I’m sure you know this already but make sure the cloth is a dark coloured one- you know so that if someone spills something it’s not that apparent. I would know. I have two little monster brothers who are always spilling Pepsi or milk or tea on our couch!

  4. I have actually gone to that Ikea every weekend in the past month… one Saturday, I went to THREE (Brooklyn, Hicksville on Long Island and back to Brooklyn). But at least I have a well decked out apartment now!

    I love Ikea. The only issue is that it all starts off beautifully and you want everything — but when you start getting tired, you realize that you’re only about a quarter of the way through the store. It keeps going and going. You need to go with a game plan!

    Glad that you found a good cover, and the journey over sounds fun too!

  5. Brooklyn IKEA is in such a weird, out of the way place. But I must say, the only reason I go is because of the outrageously cheap lunches they serve. You can get a turkey leg with mashed potatoes or fries for like, under 4 or 5 dollars and a soft serve ice cream cone for a dollar. Like, really. A dollar.

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