Her mouse hovers over the “Publish” button. She spent the last half hour editing a blog post. She carefully crafted paragraphs, structure, sketching a scathing portrait of her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. The woman who ostensibly stole her first love from right under her nose. There was no way to write about it artfully, no amount of metaphor or syntax can sufficiently mask the subtext: She’s a twat and he’s a douche and they deserve each other! The words (exactly 800 of them) make the hurt she still harbors, the humiliation still chipped on her shoulder, as clear as the current string of glorious fall days in New York City.
The post is all ready to go. Titled: “The Other Woman (Part 2)”. Tagged: 3rd wheels, all men are assholes, all women are crazy, betrayal, betraying your best friend, bitches, boys suck, bro-code violation, dating, ex-boyfriends, relationships, stealing boyfriends, trust your gut. Spell Checked. Edited, more thoroughly than many other posts.
She hesitates.
Something isn’t right.
“Does it cross the line?” She asks her (gorgeous and brilliant) roommate to read it. She gets a second opinion from her (hilarious and ingenious) friend Simon, who happens to be online.
She knows it does but she needs to hear it.
“Well, it sure is honest,” says her roommate.
“It’s vivid, I’ll give you that,” Simon says.
She knows she can’t publish it.
That’s not it. She could publish it. All it takes is a tap of her little finger. There absolutely is a part of her that would enjoy putting it out for the world to see, in all its truthful, biting, gory, glory.
She knows she won’t publish it.
She might not want to admit it, but she knows there is something of an ulterior motive in the post.
That’s not acceptable in her book (blog).
She saw this other woman the other day. Showed up at the book release party of a mutual friend and who was there but the little minx, fortunately sans boyfriend. A primal feeling overwhelmed her, unlike anything she had experienced. Her fingers itched and she realized she wanted nothing more than to punch this bitch in the face. To physically beat her for the humiliation, the battles of self-doubt, the pain, the disrespect, the dishonor, the bullshit of it all. Instead she stone-walled the siren, ignoring her completely except for one moment when they passed each other on the stairs. Eye contact was avoided but she couldn’t control the wave of disgust that spread across her face from such close proximity to such an odious creature.
She’s never punched anyone in the face before. Never punched anyone period. Part of her longs to know what it feels like. The pen is mightier than the sword, goes the cliché. She’s a writer not a fighter. Months of intense physical training would not change this fact. Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. A cliché everyone knows carries no weight.
She can make words pack punches. Give her passion, paper, and she has the power to eviscerate. Just ask Harry about the message she sent him upon learning he was now banging the girl he once claimed to think of as a sister. She knows she has this power. And with power comes great responsibility. (Right, Uncle Ben?)
She won’t abuse her power.
She won’t blog-punch anyone.
She publishes this post instead.
Do you think I made the right choice?
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Love this. And I definitely think you made the right choice! The way I see it, you still have the original post written–ready for reference/rereading whenever you might need to add a little extra fuel to your fire.
Plus, the post you wrote instead is really compelling to read. I can use my imagination to figure out just how honest “The Other Woman Part 2” is/was–so in a way, you’ve accomplished just what you set out to do.
Not sure if I just made any sense at all…but hopefully I did! haha
Sometimes it’s good to write something and sit on it, I think.
Good choice! Save the good stuff for the Modern Love you’ll write in a year or two from now.
Yes, you made the right choice. Read the piece again in a year if you’re still curious. Punching something as hard and bony as a human being also can injure your hand, make typing more painful than it sometimes has to be.
I think it’s good that you hesitated to post it. You might look over it and see there’s still things that are true and explain the situation without going too far. I’d love to see it, especially after all the editing and thought put into it. I just agree that maybe publishing it in a public forum is not the best option just now. Hugs and thoughts with you. This situation has got to be one of the most hurtful situations to be in. <3
I think it’s good that you took the time to think about whether or not to post it; a lot of people don’t consider the consequences of their online postings. And the thing about the Internet is that nothing can be taken back once it’s online. I’ve wanted to write certain things about certain people, but I’ve held back because I knew what could happen if I did. So I think you made the right choice.