The Dawn of iPhone Insanity

Where were you at 5AM this morning?

The majority of you will say “Asleep. Duh.
Jealous.

The party girls and playboys present will say, “Stumbling home.”
Well now, aren’t you fabulous.

Yours truly will say, “On 5th Avenue, joining hundreds of people queued in a massive line circumferencing an entire square block.”

Arriving at dawn, we waited hours for the release of the new iPhone 5s/5c.

iphone

Those of you who know me personally may be thinking, FINALLY.

…..I have a confession to make….

I’ve claimed for years to be a New York Cliché, the New York Cliché, really. But it’s all been a facade! A lie! There is one piece of the puzzle so remarkably glaring that I have no business claiming such a title! Dear readers, I hope you’ll forgive me after I share with you this deep, dark secret…

Crumbs, this is embarrassing. Okay, okay, here goes:

I don’t own a smart phone. I never have. 

She calls herself a blogger AND a New York Cliché and she DOESN’T HAVE A SMART PHONE!? IMPOSTOR! WHERE’S MY METAPHORICAL PITCHFORK SO I CAN CHASE HER OUT OF THE INTERWEBS?

I know! I know! It’s bizarre! Unthinkable! Would you have ever guessed I’m such a big weirdo? Go ahead, ostracize me, I deserve it!

Or do I? Did all this change today? Am I now one of the first to own the fancy pants 5s? Should you put the pitchfork down?

iphone4

No dear readers, I can not claim this. I’m still a freak with an archaic phone. A luddite wolf wearing modern sheep’s clothing. Keep that pitchfork in one hand and get a burning torch for the other.

I worked an event this morning at dawn. For a company taking advantage of the captive audience of Apple enthusiasts camping out around the flagship store. That’s all. I pretended to be one myself. Oh, the forgeries I commit for day jobs.

Before you burn down my blog, know that I will likely succumb soon. The lure of a smartphone and all the convenience is stronger than ever:

  1. It would make me a better blogger.
  2. It would make me more popular.
  3. It would make me a better lover.

Someday I’ll no longer be able to resist. Likely someday soon.

Until then, I’m with Louis CK on this.

…..Can we still be friends? Please?

About New York Cliche

NYC lifestyle blog by Mary Lane. Events, adventures, epic mistakes, dating, life, humor. A 20-something trying to make it (and make out) in the city of dreams.

8 thoughts on “The Dawn of iPhone Insanity

  1. As much as I love my smartphone, I sometimes long for the days when people didn’t text because it was too hard to use T9 and couldn’t IM me when I’m walking on my way to work. Hold out as long as you can.

  2. I want my money back! Hey, I didn’t get a smartphone until six months ago. I didn’t think it was necessary, and I guess it’s not, but it sure is sweet. You’re going to love it!

  3. Haha loved this! There definitely is some crazy obsession with iPhones.. in saying that I do love Apple products – and I’ve been to that Apple store in NYC and instead of a week long process costing $100+ to fix my iPhone screen, they charged me $30US and had it ready to go in under 15 mins… oh how I miss that city!

  4. I don’t own an iPhone either! I do have a smartphone but it’s currently sitting on my nightstand covered in dust because the charger broke again (that’s the third one to break in six months) and I keep forgetting to buy a new one. So at the moment I’m using a 10-year-old Nokia and it works just as well. I’m a Luddite too — as long as I can call and text, I’m happy.

  5. I like the post and agree with most, but I do like iPhone(s). But I wouldn’t sleep on the street for one . . . Hahaha . . . And to be honest Apple products are a tad bitt over priced/ Just saying . . .

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