I can count on one hand the number of times men have bought me flowers. (No, one of them is not my father.)
1. Cute Theatre Boy bought me flowers. They were a thank-you for doing him a favor. He had to run to an audition but his laundry was still soggy in the drier at the laundromat. I am an awesome girlfriend and told him I would take care of it. He returned to folded laundry and handed me a bouquet of orchids, the kind that sit in blue water so the petals turn blue. “I didn’t know what kind of flowers you’d like, so I bought you my favorite.” This is not the right thing to say to the woman who just folded your t-shirts. She wants to hear, “I got these because they reminded me of you” or “because I thought you’d like them” or “because they’re so fun and colorful, like you”. Perhaps this is why men never get me flowers, but is it too much to ask that you get me something you think I would like instead of something you like? Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm is why he dumped me before those orchids had even wilted.
2. A blind date brought me a single red rose once. It was sweet but by the end of the date, my favorite thing about him was that he bought me a rose and dinner. There was no chemistry. No chemistry and the fact that he ordered lobster, didn’t know how to eat it, didn’t ask for help, and ended up wasting an unforgivable amount of precious lobster meat: these are deal breakers. I walked home from that date and left his rose on a picnic table in Lincoln Square. I hope someone picked it up and it made their night a little brighter.
3. My friend George bought me a pink rose once. The man was smitten/lusted after me for the nearly two years we did theater together. Normally I would never have agreed to meeting him for a drink, but I had heard he was dating a mutual friend of ours. I thought we could finally have a friendly drink, catch up, and maybe I’d get some good gossip. I walked in the bar and he greeted me with a rose. The rest of the night he tried to get me drunk, only succeeding at this endeavor for himself. Completely hammered, he told me how he wanted our mutual friend to be his girlfriend but she was not interested in being exclusive. It became painfully obvious I was his attempt to not be exclusive either. Apparently pink roses mean “I wanna get with you to prove to the girl that I really like that I don’t really like her.”
Today is Valentine’s Day. From all my experience, I know I can’t count on men to buy me flowers. But what do I spend every Valentine’s Day hoping for? A man who will buy me flowers. So what’s a single gal to do? Get productive? Join several online dating sites? Try speed dating? Ask everyone I know to set me up with eligible bachelors?
Too much margin for error. I bought myself flowers this Valentine’s Day. They are lovely pink spray roses. They suit me perfectly. I’m a spray rose kind of girl: quirky, cute, not perfect or artificially colored, and nice smelling. It was not the Best Valentine’s Day of the Millennium, but it was a good day.
Instead of kissing someone this Valentine’s Day, I spent my day giving people free lipstick. I promoted Covergirl today, and guess what that means? I got free stuff! You know what that means! Valentine’s Day giveaway!
One grand prize winner will receive every thing pictured (except the roses, someone who loves me very much got those for ME): a black canvas bag, “liquiline blast” eyeliner pencil, “lashblast 24HR” mascara in black, “intense shadowblast” eyeshadow, “eyeenhancers” eyeshadow in “golden sunrise”, “lip perfection” lipstick in “delish” “euphoria” and “spellbound”. One other winner will receive the “euphoria” lipstick and “lastblast” mascara.
To enter please follow this blog in some fashion (like on Facebook, follow on Twitter, subscribe via email/Wordpress) leave a comment on this post about a time you received flowers. Winner will be announced on Sunday February 19th; you have until that announcement to enter!