9 Favorite Quotes About New York City

When looking for inspiration, I love seeing what people have said about NYC in the past. Everyone has something to say about this amazing city. Here are some of my favorites, along with some familiar pictures. What quotes come to mind when you think of New York?

New York City Quotes

Thanks for reading! Until we meet next post. Or check me out on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat @newyorkcliche. Leave a comment with one of your favorite New York City quotes, or which one from my list resonates with your Big Apple love!

The Epic Journey to New York City Ikea

Every day is an adventure when you call New York City home. In the city that never sleeps, even a mundane errand like getting a new futon can be a great story.

Once upon a there was a nice black futon cover from Ikea. It lived happily in a New York apartment shared by three roommates. One day the roommates got a little white cat. Soon the black futon looked like a lint brush it was so coated in cat hair. Things got worse, much worse. A night drinking and haphazard hookah smoking left several charred holes in the fabric. Now the futon resembled the nest of a giant, fire-breathing cat. It remained in this haggard state for many moons.

One bright summer day I decided I couldn’t take it any more. “I’m getting a new futon cover!” I proclaimed to my roommates, April and Rose, “It’s been too long! The old thing makes me depressed!” They readily agreed. With this resolve, we began preparations for the journey to Ikea. That afternoon we set sail for the land of cheap Swedish furniture. Getting to the New York City Ikea is a serious quest! The only places in NYC with enough space for a store of this size are remarkably inaccessible. You can’t take the subway to Ikea. You have to drive, take a shuttle bus, or a water taxi. Why go by land when you can go by sea (or at least river)? I told ya this was going to be an adventure!

The boat ride to Ikea is an experience of itself. The air-conditioned inside the NY Water Taxi is clean with cushioned seats. You can opt to sit on the roof where the wind will whip your hair and you’ll see some perfect city sights! The downtown city skyline, the Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges. People come from all over the world to see the sights that are just a part of a local errand run to Ikea!

Over exposed roommate who are loving their Water Taxi ride! — Over exposed roommate enjoying their Ikea Water Taxi ride!

The boat ride flew, in no time the water taxi docked and the great expanse of Ikea stretched out in front of us. I was a first timer. I’d never been to Ikea before! I was prepared to be overwhelmed. Good thing too, the place is huge! Everything you could possibly imagine for your apartment is here! It’s all laid out like a dream! A little fantasy world where you walk around an pretending you live in the perfectly designed rooms they demonstrate. Suddenly you feel your life is incomplete without a funky chandelier above your head, without a watering can for perfectly blooming flower pots!

If we were children, we’d throw a tantrum, “I WANT IT! I WANT IT ALL! WHY CAN’T I HAVE IT? IT’S NOT FAIR!!” But we’re not children, we’re grown-ass women. So instead we pretend to drink wine from the bottles in the “hi- bachlorette-pad-living-room” display.

Instead of sitting and pouting, we remember all the furniture is cheaply made and, more importantly, we’d have to assemble it all. Ugh. That makes it much easier to resist buying everything! The one thing we came to get, the futon cover, requires no assembly what so ever. Phew. But we still had to find the damn thing! In warehouse of rows and rows of boxes only identified by serial number!

I thought my head might explode, but it didn’t. We finally found the perfect futon cover (and several other small items): quest completed! We got on line, paid for our items, and began the long journey home. We were giddy; it had been a surprisingly enjoyable day and we couldn’t wait to replace our sad old futon cover with our lovely new one! It would liven up the whole room! When we got home we ripped the charred, cat hair encrusted mess off the futon and pulled its brand new replacement out of its plastic covering. With much glee we put the new cover on. And then we recoiled in horror.

There was a huge stain on it! That’s not a shadow from some bizarre chandelier! That’s a stain! We were devastated. Then disappointment quickly turned to anger. How could this happen? The thing was sealed in plastic! Our trip to Ikea had taken hours! No one had the time to do it again to return the defective cover! We all immediately jumped on social media, crying out to Ikea customer service our fury. Unacceptable! Huge disappointment! Reprehensible! We’re never shopping at your establishment again!

All spoken in the heat of the moment. Turns out Ikea customer service is excellent. So good I will in fact, I would absolutely shop there again (well, only at stores I can get to by water taxi). They delivered a new futon cover to our door with in two business days, no further questions asked. Phew. Well played, Ikea.

Our futon cover is great, almost as great as our trip to Ikea in Brooklyn. I’m serious, it was a really enjoyable day!

leaving ikea brooklyn — One leaves Ikea as one leaves the airport: on a moving escalator. See? Epic!

August 5, 2014March 30, 2017

Why Am I Still Single? I’m SO Glad You Asked!

“Why are you still single?”

Ask me this question and I’ll have several involuntary reactions:

1. My face contorts. Maybe it looks like I’m suppressing a fart. What I’m really doing is attempting not to blurt out, “FUCK YOU FOR ASKING.”

2. My hands itch. I begin to fidget or perhaps start picking my finger nails. This will make me look nervous. Really I’m trying to find something to occupy my hands to keep from slapping you across the face.

3. My eyes go glassy. I can’t focus. My mind is a blur of thoughts. How am I supposed to answer such a clichéd question? Seriously, is there a more clichéd question than this? Is there a single single person on the planet who does not loathe this question? Are you trying to make me feel shitty about myself? Has anyone in the history of the world had a good answer for this?

hatehello — I hate this question as much as I hate the costumed characters in Times Square.

You want an answer? Fine! I’ll give you an answer!

I’m still single because I have weird pheromones! They scientifically only attract bohemian man-children! I’ll never meet Mr. Right!

Not good enough for you? Fine!

I’m still single because I’m funny! Dudes don’t like dating girls who are funnier than them! I’d rather die alone than have no one laugh at my jokes!

You think I’m joking? FINE.

I’m still single because I have a blog where I write about my personal life! Men don’t date me because they’re terrified I’ll make their shitty fashion choices known to the whole internet! I refuse to abandon my blog so BRING ON SPINSTERHOOD.

cat lady spinster — I’m ready for you spinsterhood! Cat? Check! Asexual attire? Check!

I know I should just lie, that’s probably what the inquirer wants me to do. Supply a cliché answer to a cliché question: I’m focusing on my career. I just haven’t found “The One” yet!

But I can’t.

Asking me why I’m single is like asking me why I exist. The question sends me into an existential crisis. I could philosophize on an answer for hours. Sometimes I do. Why is it so hard for me to find someone I want to commit to? Some people make it look so easy! Jesus, that girl has a boyfriend and I don’t? What’s wrong with me? I’ve never been with a man who truly “got” me. Is that my fault or theirs? I’ve never been madly in love. Don’t I deserve to be? What if it never happens?? Are my expectations too high?

I can’t help but wonder– OMG that’s it! I’m still single because I want to be Carrie Bradshaw! Yes! I’m not gonna meet Mr. Big until I’m in my 30s! That’s all! I knew I’d find the answer eventually! MYSTERY SOLVED!

Carrie Bradshaw Wannabe — Such a Carrie Bradshaw wannabe.

Why am I still single? Oh, lots of reasons. Some are good: I’m an introvert by nature, I crave solitude. It takes a real special guy to make me prefer spending my nights with him rather than having them to myself. Some are bad: The last guy broke my heart. I found amazing closure on the whole thing but a bit of resulting commitment-phobia is only natural. Some that it would probably take hours of therapy to uncover. (Don’t worry, we’re not going there.)

From henceforth when ever any one asks why I’m still single they can expect a complete dramatic reading of this post. Perhaps accompanied by an interpretive dance. “Why am I single? Oh, I can’t wait to tell you!”

Single readers: How do you answer this question? Coupled readers: how did you answer it once upon a time?

Thank you for reading. If you liked this post, please consider sharing it.
And if you follow me on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram I ♥ you as much as I ♥ NY!

July 22, 2014March 4, 2016

Shakespeare In Brooklyn Bridge Park

Tonight is the first preview of The Public Theater’s Shakespeare in the Park production of King Lear. As I’ve mentioned previously, Shakespeare in the Park is my number 1 NYC summer activity. It’s free, it’s fantastically produced, it’s outside- it’s some of the best theatre I have ever seen. John Lithgow is staring as Lear and I can not wait to see what he does with it! I’m so excited! This is the week to go, while the show is in previews. Before reviews come out, it’s relatively easy to get FREE tickets without needing to wait at early hours of the morning. So go this week if at all possible! Check out my Tips from a Former Shakespeare in the Park Usher for more info!

I’ve been waiting for this production with great anticipation. In the meantime I had the pleasure of viewing some Shakespeare in a different park, in a different borough. Random Access Theatre‘s presented a production of Taming of the Shrew in Brooklyn Bridge Park!

What a backdrop! Downtown Manhattan and the setting sun competed with the actors for attention. Far to the south the Statue of Liberty was in plain view. I sat sipping my insanely expensive but insanely delicious basil-strawberry-cucumber lemonade, happily waiting for the show to begin. With surroundings like this, the play could be atrocious and it would still be an evening well spent.

But the play wasn’t atrocious. Not by any means. It was an absolutely delightful production. Each and every actor delivered a well versed, captivating performance. I heard every word, quite a feat in the out-door environment, especially with some loud party cruises sailing by! Props and costumes were minimal, just enough to tell the story. The focus here was the language and the characters.

If you are familiar with the play, you know it doesn’t translate particularly well to modern interpretations. The plot revolves around wifely obedience and the place of women in society. This production was set in the 1950’s and especially emphasized the anti-feminist aspect of the play. There was absolutely no romance. The ending left me feeling particularly uncomfortable, not uplifted as comedies traditionally do. This was clearly the director’s intent.

A wonderful evening, I can’t wait to see what Random Access Theatre presents next year for their fourth season in the park!

In the mean time, there’s a ton of free Shakespeare being performed throughout the city! Check out Harlem Summer Shakepeare’s free production of Romeo and Juliet up in my neighborhood on Riverbank Park running now through August 17th. Underling Productions is presenting a back to back Robin Hood and Love’s Labour’s Lost in Central Park the next two weekends (July 26-27 and Aug 2-3). There’s also one more week to catch Shakespeare in the Parking Lot‘s free production of Twelfth Night on the Lower East Side!

If you like free outdoor Shakespeare as much as I do, NYC is the place to be!

July 11, 2014May 26, 2016

The Worst Birthday Card I Ever Hope to Receive

New York is not a city known for sentimentality. Before moving here, I saved everything. There’s a Valentine sitting in a drawer in San Francisco that I received from my first crush. In 3rd grade- two decades ago! If I lived anywhere else but in this city known for shoe-box-sized apartments, I would no doubt have a box filled with tokens from former lovers. A souvenir Cute Theater Boy brought me back from a vacation, earrings given to me by the grandmother of Trader Joe’s Guy, dried roses from one of the bi-annual boys. But this is New York City! I don’t have room for that shit! It’s all sitting in a landfill somewhere- not my problem.

Of course, there is an exception. I saved one thing from my last relationship. I keep it in a box, to look at if I ever need a reminder. It serves as a warning: never settle for less than you deserve. Don’t put up with disappointment after disappointment! The one thing and one thing only I have saved from my last relationship is the birthday card he gave me last July 12th.

I remember vividly receiving this card exactly a year ago, on the night of my birthday. 24 hours previously, he confessed he had been unable to buy a present in time for my birthday. I was disappointed, tried not to let that show, and told him not to worry about it. I’d be fine not getting a present, as long as he got me a card. He replied that he wasn’t any good at writing cards. “Just make an effort. It doesn’t have to be fancy. It’s totally fine if you make it. Just put something thoughtful on paper and I’m sure I’ll love it.” I said something along those lines. (Maybe I should mention that all quotes in this post are built from my 12 month old memory.)

I wanted something in writing. I wrote about my affection for him all the time. Two beautiful blog posts in particular were essentially two (very public) love letters (Read them: One and Two). My feelings were clear, available for the world to see clear. All I had in writing from him were several hundred texts messages. Texts don’t count! I wanted something in return. Something I could hold in my hands and read over and over.

I hoped to wake up to his card the morning of my birthday, that my day would start with the blissful feeling that I was loved. Didn’t happen. All day I received nothing. By evening I was starting to feel anxious. Then it was bed time, my birthday over in mere minutes, and still no card. He knew this was important to me, I had made that clear. How could he fail? I expected a present- but I let that go. But no card? It was unexcusable.

I got into bed and couldn’t even feel the blankets. I was shrouded, cacooned by disappointment. Tension hung in the air. He turned off the light, I turned my back to him and tried not to cry.

“I can feel your anger,” he said.
I don’t remember if I replied. Damn right I was angry! Well, really “crushed” is probably a better description, but anger was definitely the thing keeping me from crying!
“I did make you a card,” he said, “I’m just totally embarrassed to give it to you.”
Relief flooded through me. “Yay! You didn’t fail! Turn on the light and give me my card!”

He handed me the piece of folded paper. I smirked at the outside. He’d drawn a geometric cube. Easily the least romantic thing in the history of ever.

“I can’t draw! I’m sorry!” He looked nervous.

“That’s okay, I don’t really care what it looks like. It’s what it says that counts.”

“Gah, don’t read it in front on me!”

“Too bad, you waited until the last minute -LITERALLY it’s basically midnight- to give it too me! I have to read it while it’s still my birthday!”

I unfolded the card and read his words. He began by apologizing for his inability to draw. Then he continued saying how writing a card is hard. Following that, there was one line where he expressed some feeling for me, “I am glad for the day you were born. I love you.”

That was it.*

Now I see it as so-bad-it’s-funny. At time, the only emotion I felt was acute disappointment. I didn’t, and still don’t, understand what’s so hard about writing a card! Maybe that’s just because it’s easy for me. How easy? I’ll show you.

How to write a birthday card for your girlfriend

1. Start with: “Dear [your girlfriend’s name]”
2. Wish her a Happy Birthday! “Wishing you a very happy birthday”, “Happy Birthday! Hope it’s awesome.” 3. Pick a couple ways to describe her. Let’s go generic: smart, pretty, good sense of humor. Turn this into a sentence, “You’re witty, easy on the eyes, and you always make me smile.”
4. Your glad she’s in your life, right? Tell her! “I’m lucky to have you in my life.”
5. Are you celebrating her birthday? Are you looking forward to it? That’s easy to include. “Can’t wait to celebrate!”
6. If you’ve said “I love you”, end it with “Love, [your name]”. If you haven’t said those words yet, just sign your name. DON’T say “Best” or some shit like that.

Dear [girl friend’s name],
Happy Birthday! Hope you have an awesome day.
You’re such a witty person, easy on the eyes, and you always make me smile. I know I am lucky to have you in my life.
Can’t wait to celebrate!
Love, [your name]

See? That wasn’t hard and now you have a totally acceptable card! If you want to go a step further, include a favorite memory with her. That adds a specific personal touch that she’ll know you didn’t copy off my blog!

That was the card I was hoping for and when what I received was nothing close to that, I felt so let down. It was awful. And I hid it from him not wanting to make him feel bad! “It’s okay,” I rationalized, “He isn’t good at writing cards! He said that! That’s all. He’s just not good at expressing himself. This isn’t a reflection on his feelings for you. ”

HA. YES IT WAS!

The card I got should have been the deal breaker. It was really a clear message sent to me from the source. What did his card really say? In hindsight, it couldn’t be more clear: “I will leave you in a month for my assistant. I say ‘I love you’ but I won’t ever really show that I do. I’m a disappointment to you and that will never change.”

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am working all weekend, said yes to a gig that will pay my rent with only two days of work. Seems perfectly cliché for a late 20’s birthday. But there will be a birthday dinner with friends, there will be cake, there will be good times. And after the disappointment of my last birthday that I just shared with you, I know beyond any doubt that this one will be far better! Hooray!

*In the original published version of this post I included pictures of the card and word-for-word quote of what it said. As you can see, this has been edited out. How ever hilariously bad I may see this card, it was a personal gift I received. In my eyes it was so insanely impersonal that I didn’t see an issue with sharing it. I just thought it was the climax of a funny and captivating birthday story.I’ve since realized can pictures make such a story incriminating, a touch TMI. Perhaps they create a feeling of discomfort in the viewer or even seem vindictive. I never want my stories to be any of these things. I’m here to entertain.

July 9, 2014May 26, 2016

New York City Beach Days

On hot July days New Yorkers stand waiting on sweltering subway platforms, we hurry down the avenues spotlighted by a blazing sun. Our hair sticks to our neck, makeup melts off our faces, and unsightly wet patches peek out from under our arms. At this point in the summer visions of sand, ocean breezes, and cool salty water dance in our heads any moment we are without AC. A weekend in the Hamptons sounds like a dream, a week-long trip to Maine a blissful fantasy. Still, if you don’t have time to get away from the city, you can still escape the heat. Which is exactly what I did!

Coney Island Beach is the Brooklyn summer hotspot. I had visited once before, it was almost unrecognizable. Deserted, cold, and dark when I walked the beach on Easter morning to witness a spectacular sunrise. When I stepped off the train on a July afternoon, swimsuit on and beach towel in tow, I was amid throngs of people. Excitement and energy buzzed in the air. Subtext of every conversation? IT’S SUMMER! IT’S A BEACH DAY! HOORAY!

Down on the sand, a wall of umbrellas obstructs any view of the shore line. But you can see the ocean, sparkling bright and blue. So it must be there! Even though it was a Sunday, even though it was twice as crowded as any beach I’ve ever been to, my little group of friends was still able to find a spot for our towels and beach blankets. No umbrella for us, though we easily could have bought one and joined the masses. Every 15 minutes or so someone selling them came by muttering, “Umbrellas, umbrellas”. Unlicensed venders have a booming business on Coney Island Beach- it’s too crowded for the cops to spot them.

We ran down to the water to stick our toes in. “YOW!” I screamed, “COLD!” 20 minutes baking in the sun would easily solve that problem. Yes, I slathered on sunscreen. No, I didn’t get burnt. I guess that means I’m a responsible adult. I’m turning 28 at the end of this week, it’s about time.

Lying on my towel on the simmering the sand, too close to the earth to feel a breeze, my thoughts and worries melted away. There’s something about going to the beach. Even if you don’t even leave town, it’s still a vacation from the hustle and bustle. At the beach you are free to lie still without any nagging feeling that you should be doing something else. Bliss. Soon I’d sweated off all my sunscreen and almost my bathing suit and was finally ready for a dip.

Hello Atlantic Ocean! You’re so big and beautiful! Chock-a-block full of seaweed and people round these parts. You look like miso soup made by a Japanese ogre. Is it weird that’s what this shore makes me think of? I’ve never been to a beach so crowded. But it was great.

After hours of sand and sun, we headed to the boardwalk. Rides! Lights! Ice cream! Circus shows! Souvenirs! The trip to Coney Island had just begun. Stay tuned!

July 8, 2014May 26, 2016

My View of the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks: An American Dream

4th of July. What’s the most cliché thing to do? Go see fireworks.

The most New York Cliché thing to do? Book a gig working in the VIP area for the Macy’s Fireworks display over the East River!

I’ll call it work, simply because I got paid, but honestly it was the perfect way to spend the evening! Working on a national holiday- can’t get more American than that!
The South Street Seaport was all decked out in red, white, and blue. There was lots of time to kill after I arrived, so for the first hour I wandered around the piers in this touristy part of town. Snapping pictures on my phone, annoyed the quality will be sub par. My iPhone was stolen (#newyorkcliche) two weeks ago and I have yet to replace it. Feeling peeved my technological device isn’t state-of-the art? Totally patriotic.
Everyone was in great mood. The weather was rainy all day but stopped right before we arrived, so it was, dare I say, cool. Our team was representing a beloved American brand, a brand so American it’s mentioned in “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”. For a couple hours we passed out free snacks and gave away prizes. Give-aways may very well be the only thing more American than snacks. I hosted a game of Plinko, everyone who plays wins a free t-shirt or beach ball. The line was always long but no one complained! But Americans love to complain! Oh, we were all just killing time, waiting for the fireworks.
Time flies, as it so often does when people are laughing and enjoying themselves. Entertaining people- there’s really nothing I love more, even when it’s just facilitating a Plinko board where everyone’s a winner! Next thing I knew, the sun was setting.The light on the clouds was absolutely glorious. This was the one and only downside of working this event- I was too busy to snap a photo. “I’M SO BUSY” could be claimed as the USA’s new national anthem.

As the light dwindled, so did my time on the clock. 9PM it was all over. But just beginning! Off the clock and on to festivities. I had just enough time to grab a free hot dog, a complementary lemonade, and -oh hell why not- I’ll take a soft pretzel too. I’m celebrating this country, it’s a patriotic duty to over eat. Every one knows that.

The sky finally, fully dark, my stomach full to capacity (in an “American obesity is a problem” sort of way), I was fully ready for the sky above Brooklyn to dance with flaming colors.
BOOM! The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

I hadn’t been to see fireworks in over 5 years! Usually on July 4th I’m working a summer theater job and spend the night getting ready to play some one else. Having not seen them in so long made my view even more spectacular.

10404107_668989973184604_526508969302083921_n — Photo credit to my co-worker Amy who’s phone is miles ahead of mine! (Header image is her’s as well)

10471047_668990013184600_5710136448644918852_n — Another from Amy. Can you believe this view?

A stunning ship to the south, bursts above, and the Brooklyn Bridge to the north. There was no better way to watch.
Even with a professional camera, it’s difficult to capture fireworks on film. With my sad little camera flip phone you get just a shadow of what these were really like. Still, even a pixelated picture is worth a thousand words.

For the past five years, New York City 4th of July fireworks have been launched over the Hudson River. So it’s been a while since Brooklyn and the East River are the Independence Day hot ticket! The background of all the bridges, with the opposite shore so close, it was truly spectacular. The best fireworks display I’ve ever seen! And I can’t believe I got paid to be there! It’s the American Dream folks.

Hope you had a great 4th of July weekend! Even if you don’t celebrate! For me it was a weekend of summer city adventures- can’t wait to share more.

[Header image credit: Amy Welsh]