Deal Breaker: Choosing Me Over Your Mom on Mother’s Day

A Mother’s Day dating story for your reading pleasure…

It seemed like a mutual fade out. We’d been dating about two months, I hadn’t heard from him in over a week. This was fine by me. Oh sure, he was a good-looking and very sweet guy. I just wasn’t that into him, as they say. I remember rolling my eyes every time I was with him. He took himself far too seriously. Besides, he never fully redeemed himself after not having the balls to kiss me first (read other posts I wrote about this guy here and here).

When my phone buzzed that Sunday afternoon and I saw it was him, I rolled my eyes. Dammit! Why is he texting me? I thought we were both on the same this-isn’t-going-any-where page! Ugh. I hoped we were mutually escaping the awkward break-up conversation.

I read his text and found myself faced with an urgent moral dilemma.

“Hey we just won the Matilda lottery and have an extra ticket! Are you free at 3 and want to go?”

Yes! I really, really wanted to see Matilda on Broadway! I’d wanted to see it for months! I was free at 3 and had just enough time to make it to the theater! Yes!

I really wanted to see Matilda…. But the guy offering me the ticket….not so much.

Am I a terrible person if I accept this offer while knowing there’s not future with this guy? I mean, that is pretty shitty…. Hey, maybe I’m being to harsh. He is a really nice guy. Ya know, part of my problem with him is he never invites me on interesting dates…Here he is inviting me! Yes! Maybe I can keep dating him! Yes! Then I can see Matilda and not feel guilty! Hooray!

I managed to convince myself it was perfectly fine to accept the ticket. So I called him, Yes! I want to go! Thank you! Where are we meeting! ETC! “Great,” he said and then informed me that the “we” he had spoken of in his text, the “WE” who won the ticket lottery was him and his mother. He was seeing this play with HIS MOTHER. But wait, it gets better!

This Sunday wasn’t just any Sunday, IT WAS MOTHER’S DAY.

It was Mother’s Day and the boy I’d been dating two months (who I hadn’t actually seen in over two weeks) invited me to join his Mother’s Day activity with him AND HIS MOM. I tried to back out but it was too late. I’d already told him I was free, already told him I was dying to see the show and that he was so sweet to invite me. I was stuck.

I gave myself a pep-talk on the subway ride to the theater. This is going to be super awkward but you can handle it. You can, ML, I know you can! Okay, be cordial to his mom but distant. Seriously, parents always love you, but you can’t let that happen this time! If she falls in love with you she’ll be sad when you break up with him! Wait dude, you convinced yourself you wanted to keep seeing him…remember? Shit. OMG I’M A TERRIBLE PERSON WHY AM I DOING THIS!?

But did I back out? Nope. Guess I really, really wanted to see Matilda. I mean, it was a fun play but in hindsight I’m not sure it was worth it.

Here’s the funny thing (as if this whole situation isn’t one massive funny thing), I actually managed to avoid meeting his mom! I ran up to the theater at 2:58PM, he dashed out to give me my ticket, and we dashed back to our seats. His mom was no where in sight.

The tickets weren’t together, I learned, they were pairs of two. The two we were sitting in and then the other two on the opposite side of the theater. So he was sitting with me while his mom was sitting with one of his friends on the opposite side of the theater. It was Mother’s Day and he sat with some girl (me) instead of his own mother.

When the show ended I left immediately. I claimed dinner plans with a family friend but that was a lie… I just wanted to run out of that theater as fast as I could before his mom could even get out of her seat.

That was the last I ever saw him. Choosing to sit with some girl you’re sort of dating instead of your own mother ON MOTHER’S DAY? DEAL BREAKER. Gentlemen, I hope you learn a valuable lesson from my story: treat your mama well this Mother’s Day (this Sunday, don’t forget!)!

On a different note: the musical Matilda is an absolute delight. It’s the perfect show to bring your mother to or your entire family. Even a date, although there are better shows for that! All the gifs, as you’ve probably guessed, are from the show!

The Whitney Museum Opens in New Meatpacking Location

Museums are best visited on rainy or sweltering days. Everyone knows that.

So it felt a little strange to drag myself inside to visit a museum on a beautiful Saturday. It was the public opening of the Whitney Museum in its new downtown, Meatpacking location. Sunshine or no, I had to check it out.

And because I did, I can now tell you this museum is awesome. Even on a gorgeous day. In fact, the new building features so much out-door space it’s very much part of the museum. The views of NYC are an exhibit of their own. Read More

May 1, 2015May 17, 2016

Roosevelt Island Cherry Blossoms: Prettiest Pink in NYC

Happy May everyone! My absolute favorite month in NYC. The weather is great, roof tops bars are open, and flowers line most every street. The Big Apple is warm and beautiful. It even smells good! I’m not kidding!

I go out of my way in May to see the prettiest spring sights. Yesterday I took the super awesome Roosevelt Island Tram across the East River all in the name of pretty in pink. Cherry blossoms!

You know I love this tram. You can read all about the ride in this blog post. I’d never taken it on a sunny day before though!

From the window of the tram, high about the East River, neck in neck with the Queenboro Bridge….

PINK JACKPOT! SPRING EXPLOSION! BLOSSOM AWESOME! That’s where I’m headed!

ROOSEVELT ISLAND CHERRY BLOSSOMS! Doesn’t get much more peak than this!

The pathway lined with cherry blossoms is about 2 minutes away from the tram stop. Just walk down to the main road after exiting the tram, look to the left (south), and there they are. A cotton-candy-flower-spring wonderland.

This was my first spring time visit! I’d heard the Roosevelt Island cherry blossoms were a sight to see and they live up to the hype!

The blossoms certainly compete with the stellar views of Manhattan. The skyline framed in blooms is spectacular.

I may or may not have climbed a tree. Lost my head in the pink clouds.

Tree climber’s view! Even the shadows of the flowers are beautiful.

Tree climber selfie. It’s quite the faux pas to pick any flowers, but there’s nothing wrong with making it look I like I’m wearing a magnificent crown of flowers!

If there’s any way you can make it out to Roosevelt Island this weekend, I couldn’t recommend it more! If you work in midtown, you might even make the trip on your lunch break. The tram station is at 59th Street and 2nd Ave.

Honestly, your boss should make it a required field trip. Maybe it’s just because I’m little miss sunshine, but I left that island with a smile plastered all over my face, dangerously close to a song outburst about the glory of being alive. I’d wager you’d have a similar experience!

April 29, 2015September 3, 2015

I Don’t Need A Man Except for One Very Serious, Shameful Reason

I consider myself a strong, sophisticated, (and sometimes super silly) independent woman. You won’t find me sitting around complaining to my friends about the lack of men in my life. You don’t even really see me complaining about it on my blog. Yes, I recently decided I would like a boyfriend. There’s a world of difference between would like and need.

I don’t need a man.

Well, at least that’s what I used to think…. Last week I came to the disturbing realization that this long-held belief was a total sham!

Confession time, friends.

I have to be honest. There is one part of my life where I am precisely as strong and sophisticated as an angsty 14-year-old girl. It’s been all too clear (for years really) that I can’t handle it on my own. At least, thus far I’ve completely failed to handle it on my own, without a man in my life. One’s rescued me from my shameful plight pretty much every time!

What am I talking about? Well, I’m going to tell you, obviously. But-

First let me tell you what I’m NOT talking about.

I’m from San Francisco. My friends and I talked about vibrators when we were in high school.

I don’t need a man to support me. I certainly do not make a lot of money. But I make enough to do just fine! I’ve never been attracted to a man because of his money. In fact, my history with men reveals the opposite….

I don’t need anyone to make me feel like a princess and I’m certainly no damsel in distress.

I’ve learned the tricks to open any jar no matter what my wrist strength. When I moved, I hired movers to carry all the heavy things.

I have amazing, awesome friends. I don’t need a man to keep me from being lonely.

I know that never works anyway. No one can make you happy with any consistency but yourself.

So what’s my problem? What am I talking about? Why am I freaking out about this supposed realization that I need a man?

I need a man to save me….from being a slob!

I guess I was wrong! I guess I am a damsel in distress. But who ever heard of a slobby damsel?

Okay, slob might be a bit of an exaggeration. I don’t need a man to keep myself clean. I shower every day, thank you! My clothes are perfectly clean! I don’t smell, I swear! There’s really just one aspect of my life where my slob tendencies show their true colors…. my boudoir. My bedroom is a mess. A pigsty, my father would say. I walk into my messy room and I can still hear my dad’s voice, “Mary Lane! Your room is a sty!”

Every time he said that, I’d know I should clean….and these days I know it even more…but…but…. then I just don’t. All the excuses later my room is still in disarray.

The only thing that seems to motivate me to clean my room with any regularity is….having a man in my life. I don’t want boys to think I’m a slob! So when there’s one in the picture…look! My room is totally clean! Works every time. Oh, a boy might be coming over this weekend? Hey there, spotless room!

Some girls don’t shave their legs to keep from sleeping with a guy too soon. I don’t have that problem. I can count on my room being too messy to invite any one over. Unless I have at least 2 hours in advance to clean. Yes, I let it get so bad it can take me TWO HOURS.

Why does it have to be a man? Why can’t I just invite a friend over?

Because all my friends are used to me saying, “Hey, don’t look in my room, it’s a mess.” You’d think when my roommates’ parents visit, you’d think that would motivate me to clean. Nope. I just close my door and let them think I have weird privacy issues.

Trust me, the only motivation I’ve found that works every time is men! I NEED A MAN otherwise my room will always look like it was ransacked by hooligans!

You can find a surprising number of articles about creative people “flourishing in clutter“, that “it’s not a mess, it’s creativity“, and that “messy rooms make great ideas“! Which makes me feel better. At least I know WHY I am this way. But I’m tired of using it as an excuse. I’m strong and sophisticated, damn it! My room doesn’t need to be immaculate (that will never happen), it just needs to not be embarrassing! I can do this!

I don’t want to be the girl who needs a man for any reason. Nor do I want to be the girl who is secretly a slob.

So friends, I pulled myself together, got out the Swiffer and some garbage bags, and I did it. I cleaned my room. All on my own, for no other reason than no space I live in should remotely resemble the aftermath of a natural disaster. It’s nice, nice to come home to a room I’m not embarrassed about.

But can I keep it up? With out a man?

We’ll see. I figured blogging about it, admitting I have a problem, might help. I hope I can count on you all for support!

April 28, 2015April 3, 2017

Yankees VS Mets and What to Wear to a Baseball Game

The are 3 types of New Yorkers: Yankees fans, Mets fans, and people who hate baseball.

This is of course, a gross simplification. But if you lived in NYC for a while, chances are you’ll find yourself preferring one of these New York based teams over the other.

If you’re a person who gets really angry when you lose, you’ll root for the Yankees.

If you’re a person who gets really excited when you win, you’ll root for the Mets.

If you care that horizontal stripes are slimming and think orange is unflattering to many skin tones, Yankees are for you.

If you liked Duckie more than Blane in Pretty in Pink: Mets.

If making lots of money is your driving purpose: Yankees.

If you realize it’s just a game: Mets.

Can you guess which type of New Yorker I am?

(If you guessed the 3rd option, that I hate baseball, I totally understand why, but you’d be wrong.)

Yes dear readers, given the choice, I’m a tulips fan!
OOPS! I MEAN METS! I’m a Mets fan!

(But not exactly a loyal one. If you offer me Yankees tickets I’ll totally go. I mean, the stadiums closer to my apartment anyway.)

In celebration of this revelation and baseball season getting into full swing (pun intended), I decided to take on a challenge- how would I rock MLB game day style? Starting from the top of course, a baseball hat! I’m a big fan of hats, though I usually only wear sporty ones when exercising. Fortunately I was introduced to Fanatics, a website that sells all kinds of sporting apparel. With more baseball hat styles than I ever could have imagined, I was excited to take on the challenge!

What to Wear to a Baseball Game?

I had no interest in playing sports growing up, but I was super into playing dress up! So I totally admit to loving this part of going to a ball game. What’s my perfect Mets outfit? Well, the Mets colors are orange and blue, in case you couldn’t guess. I have a ton of blue clothes, who doesn’t, so an orange hat seemed the clear choice to get into team spirit.

I still love dressing up and I still love twirling around when I wear a dress. If you throw a baseball to me, I’ll still probably drop it. I was what you might call a “girly girl” and hell, I guess I still am. Man, some things never change. Actually, if I was still a kid I’d insist on wearing nothing but pink, so at least I’ve grown up a little bit!

I think it’s fun to make a baseball cap “girly” by pairing it with a dress. Especially a skater dress which is a tiny bit sporty. Hmm…I got made fun of the last time I said “sporty”. I think the word was phased out with “Sporty Spice”. Athletic? Am I supposed to say athletic?

Guys, I’m the worst sports fan ever. But at least I look cute! I got this sweater at a sample sale and I’ve hardly taken it off since. (That may win the title of Most New York Cliché Sentence I’ve Ever Typed.) It’s knit really loosely so it’s basically mesh and it’s perfect to wear over dresses. I don’t make it past the second inning of a game without getting cold, so layering is baller. Boots are too. Plus they’re kinda orange so yay team spirit!

One other great thing about baseball hats that has nothing to do with sports? They make you look like a celebrity! You know what I mean? Wear one with sunglasses and you have the classic uniform of a star who’s trying to be incognito.

NYC-Mets — OMG, can you even recognize me?

So whether you want to look like a celebrity or support your team, or get your mom a hat for Mother’s Day (or Dad for Father’s Day), Fanatics can hook up up! The site has all the MLB teams and lots of apparel in addition to hats as well. I’d consider adding orange knee socks to my game day outfit….but that might take it too far…
Fanatics also has prices that are soooo much better than what you’d buy at the stadium. Plus right now they’re offering free shipping!

mets-outfit — Sweater (similar): Helmut Lang | Dress: Maison Blanche | Boots (similar): Nine West | Mets Hat: Fanatics

Are you a baseball fan? What team? Do you like getting dressed up for sporting events, or do you think I’m a weirdo? Are you one of my friends from my hometown San Francisco, and you’re never going to speak to me again because this post isn’t about the Giants? (I still love the Giants guys! I have a Giants hat too! I love both coasts!) Are you a Yankee’s fan who is now sorely offended? Are you a dude who is upset I tricked you into reading a fashion blog post? Let me know in the comments!

April 27, 2015May 23, 2015

Volunteering with Fire Fighters at the 9/11 Memorial 5K Made Me Remember

Sunday was the 3rd annual 9/11 Memorial 5K Run/Walk, a race started “to raise awareness about the National September 11 Memorial & Museum and encourage volunteerism in memory of 9/11”.

After crossing the finish line, participants along with the public, were greeted by Family Day. The street on the east side of the memorial was blocked off for family friendly activities, performances, military and police dog demonstrations, and celebration of heroism and the brave people who protect our city and country every day.

The entire graduating class of the FDNY was there volunteering their time for the event. Who else was on that volunteer team? Me.

I began my morning watching 2 dozen strapping, newly minted firefighters assemble a Gymboree play zone. It was a sight to behold. I mean, all I could do was watch. These fellas are as close to knights in shining armor as you’re likely to find these days. With my meager upper-body strength, my help with this set up stopped at moral support.

These guys were so incredibly helpful, all genuinely good people. It was an honor to work with them. You can’t go near Ground Zero without being humbled by the all those who dedicated their lives to the FDNY. The NYPD too… That’s something to remember.

No matter what conflicting feeling I have about police in this country, a visit to the 9/11 Memorial makes me respect New York’s police force. It is flawed, that’s a fact. But it does do good and I do believe the majority of people on it are good people…

I always want to ask mounted police officers if they were the kids who had intense horse obsessions. I never went through that phase, did you?

Did you know the West Point United States Military Academy has a band? I just googled it and apparently they’re kinda a big deal. The West Point Band has been around since the Revolutionary War. Whoa. They played live music through out the whole event yesterday, covers of pop songs like Cee Lo’s “Forget You” (very much censored) and Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” (you know what that song means to me). They were awesome and though I didn’t get a good photo of them in action, I did steal a shot of their post-set photo opp.

The American Bombshells performed as well. They’re not associated with the military directly, but the organizations objective is to “serve and honor our Nation’s Military, Veterans, First Responders and their families by supporting and creating unique programs that ENTERTAIN, INSPIRE, and FUNDRAISE.” I missed their performance but got to watch them jump in for Zumba on the kids’ stage. Hilarious.

Almost as good as watching the fire men set up the play area.

I’m very vocal about my love for New York, but I can’t remember a time I ever proclaimed my love of America. I would never call myself a patriotic person. But I would call myself an optimistic person. (I know, I know, that totally goes against the New York cliché, but it’s just true.) Yesterday was full of optimism, hope, and happiness. It was surprisingly empty of political agenda. It made for a lovely event. I surprisingly felt more comfortable celebrating the efforts of our civil servicemen than I ever would have imagined.

I’m thankful to be reminded that individuals make up the forces that protect our country and city.

They deserve to be celebrated for the good they do and the sacrifices they made. They deserve that, no matter what issues we may have with the institutions.

Whoa. Wait a second. This is too weird.

Just now I took a break from writing and learned about the Baltimore riots.

Now my brain hurts. And my heart too.

I never intended for this post to be about anything more than my experience at an event. I’d planned to continue, describing other aspects of said event. Now I think I have to stop. I’m going to publish the post. Quickly, before I read something that makes me lose all optimism, new-found respect, and hope.

Actually, yes. Let’s end with hope. Stars of Hope: an organization that strives to “empower children to bring hope to communities that have been devastated by disasters and or tragic sadness”. How they do this is simple but powerful- with hand painted stars. The ones on Sunday were painted to send hope to Nepal. Here are just a few of the many that were painted.

Baltimore, I imagine you’ll have stars being sent your way very soon. For now, I know I’m sending all the optimistic hope I can muster. I also know I’m not alone.

April 23, 2015May 19, 2016

Goodbye Jekyll and Hyde Club, Goodbye Steady Acting Gig

Once upon a time, not long ago, I worked in a magical place.

I would walk in the door and the candle-esque lighting would make all my skin issues vanish. The red carpeting and jazz music would relax me after my commute, shoving through the crowds of Times Square. I’d walk up the staircase, resisting the impulse to scare the people rounding the corner. descending in the opposite direction.

At the top of stairs I’d be greeted by the familiar row of skeletons and then but my co-workers who might double take and then say “Oh hellooooo!” in a uniform high-pitched warble. On my way to clock in, I’d see a kid gawking at Pharaoh Carcassotep, the resident Egyptian mummy, and bite my tongue to keep from saying something cheeky. After clocking in, I’d head to the dressing room.

That’d be the last anyone saw of me for hours.

Jekyll_and_hyde_stairs — This isn’t me. This is Prunella Demyse, the social director of the Dr. Jekyll’s social club. She plans parties, she wants you to donate blood for the vampire cocktail party that’s later tonight.

Oh sure, you’d recognize the being who emerged from the dressing room garbed in read and black lace. But you’d hear her far before you saw her. Piercing shrieks and lilting, deafening trills constantly plummeted from her well rouged lips always with a slight British sophistication. She was a banshee after all, what else would you expect?

Well, technically half banshee. Mama was a banshee and papa was a strange little man with an affinity for banshees. Which makes me half undead. I know, it’s dreadfully complicated, I don’t want to bore you to tears with details, dahling!

I had the privilege of being an actor at The Jekyll and Hyde Club in Times Square for the whole two years it was open. I would say theme restaurant, Prunella (my character) would say Dr. Jekyll’s incredibly exclusive social club for mad scientists and explorers. It was a wonderfully unique place where actors play creepy and kooky characters would run around interacting with restaurant goers. The “artifacts” on the wall were all animatronics that would pop to life and talk to you. See that elephant way in the back? He could wave his trunk around. The Sphinx statue could see your future. The mummy I mentioned in the beginning was likely to curse you. A cranky gargoyle, a two-headed girl, a singing werewolf- they were all part of the decor.

One of Dr. Jekyll’s associates was experimenting on reanimation of the dead and he’d show you his progress made in his experiments with a “Frankenstein Show” every hour. It feels weird to call it a show. I’ve only ever spoken about it as a very serious, madly controversial scientific experiment before.

Here, you can watch someone’s entirely unprofessional filming of the show on Youtube, if you’d like! I’m not in it but my awesome friend Scott is:

So maybe you’ve noticed I’ve been speaking in past tense…. Perhaps you’ve guessed why?

At the end of March, The Jekyll and Hyde Club lost their lease. Abruptly, with so little warning the whole cast was left stunned, they closed their doors for good.

Oh, I’ve mostly recovered. But part of me will always miss being able to make children laugh by asking if I can bake them into a pie.

I have child pie on my breath but my beloved friend Col. Bumble doesn’t mind!

What, you didn’t know banshees baked children into pies? Well, that’s cause I totally made it up. You can’t imagine how fun it is to see the different reactions from children when their faced with the question. Looks of fear and worry from the little ones still grappling with real vs pretend. I can’t remember ever failing to dissolve that fear into laughter and joy. Maybe I just blocked them out. Still, it was a challenge I created for myself and I’m pretty proud of how successful I was.

Part of me misses my steady acting gig. No matter how many rejections I got, no matter what promising projects dissolved, The Jekyll and Hyde Club was always there. Entertaining people, it’s my passion, one I knew would be fulfilled whenever I walked in the door. It wasn’t just entertaining people, it was creative freedom. My interactions with people were entirely unscripted. I’d approach a table of tourists, find out they only spoke Hungarian, and take the challenge to make them all laugh, communication barrier be damned! Okay, my success rate there wasn’t quite as high as with the kids, but it still in the ball park.

Now I have all these jokes I’ll never use again! I got really good at setting up single ladies with the shrunken heads behind the bar! Completely useless skill now. Who will listen to my cautionary tale about the danger of dolls getting possessed by demons if you leave them lying around with out their clothes on?

jekyll_and_hyde_druscilla — I left my Druscilla Dreadful Doll lying about completely naked and she got possessed by a demon. Don’t let this happen to you!

I also miss the many romances I started at Jekyll and Hyde. Good times, fellas, good times.

jekyllBF — First there was Rupert. His face got frozen like this. (He’s made out of rubber!)

jekyllBF2 — Then Stanley and I were an item. He always made me feel fat.

Last and kinda least, Archibald, who made me feel dead inside.

Whatever! I won’t miss them! They’re all dead to me!

I will miss my amazing co-workers. You’ll never find more talented, creative, supportive bunch around. From actors to servers, from hosts to dishwashers. It was magical, guys, it really was. We all got together on the last night, for the last “Frankenstein Show” and it was completely insane, special, and just a touch sad. Fortunately, there are still karaoke nights in our future, I’m sure. I’m not as fun and outgoing as Prunella, but I’m also not as obnoxious and creepy! Yay!