Time Out New York Undateables: Super Sweet VS Cruelly Candid?

I went into my Time Out New York Undateables interview with the objective of producing “good copy”. I wanted the write-up to be fun to read. I didn’t worry about being nice. I didn’t consider the feelings of the person I’d been on a date with. When the interviewer laughed out loud as I described my date’s facial hair, I thought,”Yeah! This is good!”

I was honest about my experience, totally candid in recapping my date. It shows.

If this is too hard to read, click for the online edition.

I totally succeeded with my objective. My write-up is anything but boring! It’s got some funny lines, it’s clearly candid! It might even make you wince, maybe even chuckle!

So why don’t I feel great about it?

I left that date feeling like we were both on the same page: just not that into it. He didn’t ask for my number which I thought made very clear he didn’t want to see me again. Well, according to his published side of this story, that assumption was entirely wrong. Everything he said couldn’t be nicer. He said some really sweet things, complements that should be ego boosters, but now just make me feel bad. If I’d had any idea he’d been at all into me, that would have changed the way I talked about this date.

Why was I so honest? Don’t I know that the only place for honesty and candor- when it comes to first dates- is brunch? Not a city circulated magazine! Why hadn’t I even thought about being nice? What’s wrong with me? Before I’d laughed about the “undateable” title, but now I couldn’t help but wonder…. maybe it’s true! Maybe I really am undateable! Who wants to date a bitch?

Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 8.19.51 PM — The photographer asked me to pose in many different ways. This of course was the one I hoped they wouldn’t pick. Crossed arms = bitch pose?

I’m not a bitch. I’m just a woman who dislikes scraggly, scruff-gone-wild and isn’t afraid to say it. Who sometimes says the word “aura” because she’s from San Francisco and laughs at herself for it. Who loves a good story. Who believes no one should ever, ever tell a story about recently peeing their pants on a first date. If this article stops ONE PERSON from sharing such a story in a romantic setting, this whole experience was WORTH IT.

But he was a good person. Who probably didn’t deserve all of Time Out New York’s readership knowing he pissed himself on the subway. But why did he tell me?? On a first date especially! On a first date HE KNEW WAS GOING TO BE WRITTEN UP IN A MAGAZINE!! WHY, RONNY, WHY?? I told you I liked storytelling, you knew I was a blogger, how could you possibly expect me to resist sharing an awkward moment of that caliber? I just couldn’t. If that makes me a bitch, well, I have no choice but to accept the moniker.

I’m a story-loving, mean, “crazy-eyed”, “fame chaser”. At least according to some Time Out New York readers on Facebook!

Yep! They didn’t use the b-word though! And they read my blog! Thanks guys! Bye guys!

I wanted to be in Time Out New York for the experience, for the story, and for insight from the guy’s perspective, on what it’s like to date me. Did I get what I wanted? Maybe? But am I really that great on a date? Bubbly and “more fun than most people”, a “generally pretty lady”? Or was my date being overly nice while I was being overly honest?

I’ll never know.

Unless I tweet at him…but that’s probably not the best idea…

If I’m perfectly honest (my downfall and my charm), I wanted to be in Time Out New York Undateables in part for the blog exposure. My “Why She’s Single” makes that blatantly, shamelessly obvious. Truly, I can not imaging putting myself through this kind of thing if I didn’t have some self-promotion motive. Would I do it again? FUCK NO. Am I glad I did it? Yes.

Would I recommend you do it? No. But if you think it sounds like fun, or have similar self-promotion motives, email undateable@timeout.com and they will hook you up!

I’d love to hear what you think of this whole experience! Do you think I was too candid? Was I stupid for not being nicer? Is it shameless to do this sort of thing because it’s fun for my blog? Do you agree with the commenters on Time Out’s Facebook page? I’d really love to hear anything you have to say, there’s so much to talk about with this! I hope you’ll leave a comment or join in discussion that’s already started on Facebook and Twitter!

Waiting on the Line for FREE Shakespeare in the Park

Today I’m reporting live from the line for free Shakespeare in the Park! It’s the very first line of 2015!

Tonight is the first public performance of The Tempest at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park.

You’ve probably heard about Shakespeare in the Park. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you might remember it’s pretty much my absolutely favorite NYC summer activity. World class, theatre, outdoors in Central Park, for FREE!

The only catch is the line.

The infamous line, the dreaded line, the line that scares people so they won’t even go near it.

“I hear you have to wake up at 5AM to get tickets.”

“You think I’m going to camp out in Central Park to see a play? HA!”

“I’m a New Yorker. I hate lines. Fuhgettaboutit.”

This mythical line is where I’m spending my morning. The New York cliché may be to think of it as a huge chore, a never-ending wait, a sentence I’ve madly chosen to serve. But sitting here right now, on a blanket in Central Park, surrounded by people who like Shakespeare, with the sight and sound of sprinklers in front of me, all I can think is it’s a beautiful morning and I get to spend it in Central Park! This is GREAT!

The deal with THE LINE for Shakespeare in the Park

I did NOT join this line at 5AM. I strolled up leisurely at the reasonable hour of 9:30AM. It’s nearly an hour later and if you joined the line now, I’m pretty confident you’d still get tickets! That said, it is a Wednesday morning and tonight is the very first preview. Today is pretty much the easiest day to get tickets. Tomorrow is the second easiest. If you are a person with a normal job and can’t get out of work for a morning, this weekend is the absolute best time to go!

shakespeare in the park first on line — These were the first people in the line. They arrived at 5:30AM! But they didn’t need too!

Once reviews for The Tempest come out on June 6th, the line will get longer. The press will remind people, “Oh yeah! Shakespeare in the Park exists! I should go to that!” If the reviews are good some people will decide, “Okay fine, it’s worth my time if some critic says it’s good.” I’ve seen almost every production Shakespeare in the Park has done for the past 8 years. I confidently claim: every single production I’ve seen at the Delacorte was worth seeing, completely worth my time.

shakespeare in the park line sax player — Entertainment while on line! Every time I’ve ever waited in the line, I’ve seen this saxophone player! Sometimes he gets cranky when people don’t tip him, but he seemed in good spirits this morning. The group on the right are playing a ruckus board game.

This is Shakespeare performed in a naturalistic style by brilliant New York professional actors. Even if the director makes some weird choices, that foundation is solid. The Public Theater has been making Shakespeare accessible to New Yorkers for almost 40 years. They’re fucking good at it.

“I heard they get celebrities for Shakespeare in the Park, who are the celebrities this year??”

Some A-listers have graced the Delacorte stage. Recently Al Pacino starred in The Merchant of Venice, Anne Hathaway in Twelfth Night, and Amy Adams in a production of Into the Woods (sometimes they mix it up from Shakespeare). If you’re at a party of theatre people, you’ll likely hear a story about someone who saw Meryl Streep in “Mother Courage” back in ’06. People camped out all night to see Meryl, that was a show it was crazy hard to get tickets for.

There are no big celebrities this year. The star of The Tempest has a very substantial film and television career, but unless you’re a huge Law and Order fan, Sam Waterston probably won’t leave you star struck. Modern Family fans will be happy to see Jesse Tyler Ferguson, theatre fans will be happy to see him return to his roots.

shakespeare in the park view from line — This was my view while waiting for 2 hours this morning. I mean, come on! How could I complain?

The best thing about the line and waiting in person is that you have a very good idea of whether or not you will get tickets. The line may look long, but unless it’s snaked WAYYYY far around the corner, your chances are very good. The theater is BIG and they give out hundreds of free tickets a day.

If I still haven’t sold you on the line, there are other ways to try to get tickets. Check out my previous post “A Former Usher’s Tips on How to Get Shakespeare in the Park Tickets”. Ushering for Shakespeare in the Park was in fact my very first job in NYC! Also check out Shakespeare in the Park’s FAQs from their website.

At 11:40AM they had us pack up all our stuff, stand up and form a tight line. At 12PM they started handing out tickets. Ant 12:15PM I had 2 tickets in my hot little hand!

The morning sped by and I can’t wait for tonight! I’ll let you know how the show is!

May 26, 2015May 26, 2015

I Went on a Date for Time Out New York Magazine

Last Thursday I ditched my friends for a date.

Okay, before you think I’m at best a terrible person, at worst that girl allow me to explain.

This wasn’t any date, this was a date with a guy I knew nothing about. Literally nothing beyond the 5-6 letters of his first name.

“Ronnie. His name is Ronny.” I told Rose, one of the friends who I was ditching, “I’m fretting about a date with a dude named ‘Ronnie/y’.” I didn’t even know if he spelled it with an “ie” or “y”.

“I hope he’s just like Ronnie on the Jersey Shore. Or maybe he IS Ronny from the Jersey Shore! THAT would make a good story!” Rose always knows the right thing to say.

This wasn’t any date, this was a blind date. I’m talking eye-balls-removed-from-skull blind. He could be 400 lbs, 5’3, all gold teeth, 66 years old, for all I knew.

I certainly didn’t look like I usually do for a date. I was dressed for a night of outdoor dancing under the Brooklyn Bridge with my girlfriends. I was wearing my roommate’s hand-me-down jeans that I sometimes convince myself they look like their supposed to be ankle-length. Other times I realize they look like jeans passed down from someone 3 inches shorter than me. My top was so hippy-dippy it may as well have had the words embroidered on it HIPPY DIPPY. On top of all that, I’d tried something new with my hair that morning. I couldn’t have been less prepared for a date that night, and still I’d said yes. Carpe Diem and all that.

Actually, I thought I’d have time to go home and change. Yeah, that didn’t happen.

This wasn’t any date, this was a date for Time Out New York.

If you’re unfamiliar, Time Out New York is a local magazine full of event listings and articles about city life. There’s one page every week that outlines a date two New Yorkers embark on knowing nothing about each other. The section of the magazine is well-known as The Undateables.

A friend who works for Time Out urged me to submit my information. How could I resist? It was guaranteed free drinks and perfect blog fodder. Great! With a guy that I didn’t have any say about. Maybe even better! History shows I’m pretty terrible when it comes to picking men, so maybe thrust into the hands of Time Out match-makers was the way to go!

I received the email from The Undateables editor at 1PM: someone had canceled and he was hoping I might be able to go instead on “super late” notice. I wasn’t even the first choice for this first blind date! And still I thought, SURE, WHY NOT! This kind of thing only happens once! My friends understand!

They did understand. They can’t wait to read all about it. Perhaps you feel the same way….

This wasn’t any date, this was a date you can read all about tomorrow (or today depending on when you read this) in the glossy pages of a magazine.

Which is kind of terrifying. I hope I don’t come off sounding like a ditz. Or a bitch. Or a blonde! Or a man-hater! Or a meanie! Or A CRAZY CHICK WHO OVER-THINKS FUCKING EVERYTHING! You’ll have to let me know! As someone who is used to editing everything she says about her dating life, it was nerve-wracking to give up that control!

If you’re not in NYC ,an online version of The Undateables section is available the week after it goes into print. Once that’s up, you can bet I’ll blog all about it!

May 21, 2015March 4, 2016

A Perfect New York Summer Activity: Free Kayaking NYC

People will tell you nothing is free in NYC.

Don’t listen to them.

Some of my favorite activities in this town don’t cost a dime- walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, Shakespeare in the Park, kayaking on the Hudson.

Did I lose you with that last one? Who ever heard of kayaking in Manhattan? That’s something you do in the woods, not in the big city! If there is such a thing, it’s gotta be super expensive and exclusive!

Well I’m here to tell you there is indeed kayaking in Manhattan. On the water you’ll have awesome views of the city. Best of all, the whole experience is super FUN and super FREE. The one and only catch is that your butt will get wet when you get in the boat. A small price to pay.

The Experience of Free Kayaking NYC!

It was a beautiful Sunday, I had just finished working an event in Hudson River Park. I was walking by the water at Pier 40 when I saw this sign.

I took it as a sign. I had heard about free kayaking on the Hudson for years, always wanted to try it out. But never had followed through! Here I was, the right place, the right time- they had only opened for the season the day before. But I was all by myself…. I didn’t have a change of clothes….

“TOO BAD!” I decided, “I’m going anyway! I’m kayaking today!”

The New York City Downtown Boathouse is staffed by volunteers. They are all SO nice! If you want to volunteer, you don’t have to plan ahead of time, you just show up and stay as long as you like. It’s perfect for people like me with crazy, changing schedules.

A volunteer handed me a waiver to sign (I’m solely responsible if I drown or ruin my cell phone!) and a lock with a key to put my bag in a locker. I loved the community feeling, more like a summer town in Maine than in downtown NYC. I put my bag in one of the charmingly weathered, rainbow painted lockers, and stuffed my phone in my sports bra. “It should be fine,” I was told, but also warned that if my phone fell overboard or got damaged, it was no one’s fault but my own!

I took the risk and thus took plenty of pictures!

I made my way down to the dock. There was absolutely no line, no wait for any of this in the middle of a beautiful Sunday afternoon! Seems to good to be true, but it’s not! There was practically a boat in the water waiting for me. I plunked down on the wet seat (I’d been warned about it) and a volunteer help the kayak in place while giving me tips.

“Don’t go past the red buoy, stay between the piers.”

“Will you come save me if I capsize?”

“That’s not happening today! You’ll be fine!”

With that I shoved off the dock and into the Hudson River!

I’d never been kayaking before, but rowing in Central Park prepared me well! It’s easy, I got the hang of it very fast, and never worried about falling out of the boat. I hardly worried about dropping my phone in the water, and that’s really saying something for a klutz like me!

Gorgeous views of One World Trade, even a distant peak at the Statue of Liberty if you paddle out close to the buoy cut off!

She’s harder to see in the picture, but that’s Lady Liberty to the left of the kayak’s bow.

I stayed on the water about 20 minutes, which is how long they recommend. It’s all very chill and very honor system (so refreshingly non-New York cliché) and you really don’t want to be the boat-hog jerk who keeps other people waiting because you’re paddling around too much. Twenty minutes was plenty to paddle around the area.

If you want more time, you can get more time by volunteering! It’s also nice to give something back to this awesome program. They also accept donations but there is no pressure to give. The Downtown Boathouse has been doing free kayaking for about 30 years! There are multiples locations on the Hudson. You’ll find other free kayaking ventures in Brooklyn and Staten Island. Time Out New York has a list of places for free kayak (with a couple extra additions given by readers in the comments!).

This is a great activity for kids as well adults. As long as kids are accompanied by an adult and able to swim, they’re good to go! I HIGHLY RECOMMENDED NYC summer activity. I would recommend bringing a change of pants however. I mean, I took the subway home with a wet bottom and I had no regrets. But a change would’ve been more comfortable. The boathouse even has a little changing room just for this!

If you’ve visiting NYC this summer, go free kayaking! If you live in NYC, have always thought about going but- stop your excuses! Go free kayaking this summer!

May 20, 2015May 20, 2015

The Great Big Bacon Picnic

This weekend I experienced New York’s #1 reason NOT to be a vegetarian:

This is not a joke. This is a real event. Bacon and picnics would feature prevalently in my personal rendition of “My Favorite Things”, bacon and picnics and whiskers on kittens, so I was super excited when this event was announced.

Even more excited to attend the first ever Great Big Bacon Picnic this past weekend in Williamsburg. This “gourmet celebration of the most amazing food item ever created” featured over 100 chefs, all local to New York, all serving bacon inspired dishes. No turkey bacon allowed, no soy, no, no, this was a big pig deal.

I could smell the bacon as I walked down the block of The Old Pfizer Factory where the event was being held. A perfect ushering in of the deliciousness to come. But oh I was so simple, so naive. There was so much about bacon I didn’t know and was about to learn.

Crispy, slightly chewy, limp, too fatty, and Canadian. That used to be my bacon wheel house. Now it’s exploded. Thin cut, thick cut, Canadian, hickory smoked, applewood smoked, cherrywood smoked, black pepper, maple, uncured. I stood in front of the festival’s famed Bacon Bar taking in the piles of nine different kinds of bacon. In a remarkable feat of restraint, I tried only one piece of each.

Cherrywood smoked thick cut won over my taste buds. With the ever so slight hint of tart cherry and the perfect combo of crisp and chew, I had to quickly back away from the bar after trying a piece. I was determined to try EVERYTHING at this festival despite my stupid small stomach!

I’m seriously proud of how successful I was though! At the session I attended on Saturday evening, 37 restaurants served their dishes. I hardly passed up a single one! Here are some of my favorites. Get ready for a ton of variety!

Tastiest Bacon

BBD’s Vietnamese Bacon Sliders with soy marinated double press bacon, pickled sprouts, and tai basil

There was plenty going on in these sliders and somehow it all worked together and beautifully highlighted the bacon. With crunchy bean sprouts, peppers, and a warm steamed bun, the bacon could have gotten lost. Instead the double-pressed pieces were complemented perfectly. I enjoyed this so much I’m tempted to trek out to BBD’s Long Island location to eat another!

Most Decadent Bacon

Elizabeth’s Neighborhood Table Panko/Bacon Encrusted Lobster Bacon Spring Rolls and Tomato Bacon Chutney

After that description, need I say more? The line after
Bacon and picnics and whiskers on kittens in my version of “My Favorite Things” is of course
Lobster and postcards and blog posts I’ve written
a crispy fried spring roll added to the mix just made it even better.

Most Unexpected Bacon

Cherry Izakaya Bacon Caesar Roll with avocado and Tuscan kale

Bacon in sushi? If I saw this on a menu there is no way I’d have order it. So thank goodness for tasting events! Smoked bacon, avocado, and Tuscan kale tossed in a light caesar dressing: the combination of textures and tastes was really awesome. I’m inspired to get more adventurous with what I think of when I think sushi!

Biggest Bacon Risk

Pig Guy NYC S’mores Bacon on a Stick

This was the first thing I saw and the first thing I tried at the event! I was taken aback and wondered if everything would be this outside the box. The bacon was in very thick cuts, then dipped in a chocolate and marshmallow sauce and coated with graham cracker crumbs. The flavors all worked surprisingly well together, especially because thick cuts are on the more mellow side of bacon spectrum. The Pig Guy himself, Chef Thomas Perone, was on site serving. He was as sweet as his dish!

Healthiest Bacon

Bricks Bars Grass Fed Beef, Uncured Bacon, Cranberry, and Sunflower Seed Bar

Bricks Bars were unlike anything else at this event. I couldn’t figure them out at first but a quick chat with the company founder changed that. He started the company only 6 months ago, making whole food energy bars. I was a little weirded out at first, but it’s kind of like beef jerky in bar form. Packed with protein from simple, quality ingredients. Pretty cool I thought. These you could order online and actually try even if you’re no where near NYC!

Biggest Comfort Bacon

Tip of the Tongue Bacon and Gruyere Scones

At this session of the event, billed as the “Happy Hour” session, this was one of the few tables focusing on the breakfast side. Which is funny because that’s often the meal one associates bacon with. These scones were delicious. Chock-a-block full of bacon pieces and the cheese was a perfect complement. I love grabbing an pastry for breakfast, that usually means no protein, but not with these scones! If I lived near Prospect Park where this cafe is located, this would be my morning go-to.

There were many bacon desserts- bacon ice cream, bacon topped cheese cake, bacon and banana whoopie pies. The bacon was interesting in all these but there wasn’t one where I felt the dish was truly enhanced by the addition of bacon.

These of course, are just my opinions. I did say I’m a relative Bacon Ignoramus, if you want to know what the experts thought, check out the winners as decided by the judging panel.

High and Mighty Brass Band provided entertainment with several super fun, super high-energy sets. And I can’t forget drinks! There were so many awesome drinks to sample! My favorites, hands down, were both liqueurs. Sorel hibiscus liqueur was so refreshing just mixed with ginger beer and Barrow’s Intense Ginger Liqueur also made a perfect summer drink splashed in with lemonade. I suggest you add trying each to your summer bucket list!

Are you feeling sad you missed this awesome event? Don’t worry! NYC has a ton of awesome foodie festivals coming up this summer. Plus you can click on any restaurant I mentioned and find where to visit them in town (BBD’s is the only one not in NYC proper, and even that one’s pretty close! A perfect place to stop if you vacation on Long Island.) Best of all, I think this event was so successful we can expect a 2nd Annual Great Big Bacon Picnic next year!

In the mean time, what’s your favorite kind of bacon? Or are you a vegetarian who hated this post?

May 14, 2015May 23, 2015

Be Expensive: Proofread Your Online Dating Profile

You could call me thrifty, you could call me cheap. Potayto, potahto.

The outfit I’m wearing as I type cost a grand total of $37.98.

Top: $7.99 Goodwill
Jeans: FREE My roommate got too skinny for them so she gave them to someone fatter (me).
Shoes: $29.99 Nine West Outlet
Necklace: FREE I worked at a jewelry sample sale and when it was all over the company was like- please just take this expensive jewelry we didn’t sell! (Yeah, best job ever.)

I got my bed frame free off Craigslist.

My hair was cut and colored by a student, all I paid was a $10 product fee.

I’m drunk after 3 drinks. I put the cheap in “cheap date”.

This is the way I keep from starving in America’s most expensive city. Thrifty, cheap, frugal, fiscally conservative: That’s me.

Which is why I stared at my date incredulously when he said:

“You’re cooler than I thought you might be. You know your online dating profile says you’re very expensive?”

“Um. What are you talking about?”

It was a first date. He’d sent me a message that stood out amid the sea of “Hey. What’s up?” and other copy-pasted wastes of time. I was getting to know the 3D version of him over drinks.

“Yeah,” he continued, “In the, ‘First things people usually notice about me’ section. You made a joke about boobs and then you wrote ‘I’m very expensive.'”

I laughed, “It doesn’t say ‘expensive’! It says ‘I’m very expressive!’ Expressive! HA! That’s hilarious you read it wrong! Teehee!”

Great. I’m on a date with a guy who can’t read.

Or was he on a date with a girl who couldn’t write?

As soon as he said it, I doubted everything. My mom always claimed I was slightly dyslexic, but never got me tested. Any one who has ever read my blog knows you could make drinking game out of every typo, grammar, spelling mistake I make (some one totally should and then write a guest post about the experience!). It certainly sounded like something I would do…

“I thought you might have meant ‘expressive’,” he said, “‘I’m very expensive’ was such a strange thing to have on a dating profile! You certainly are expressive!”

I made a face, or five, to emphasize the point. I was kinda dazzled by this possibility.

“Wow, that’s embarrassing,” I said, “If I wrote ‘expensive’ instead of ‘expressive’.” But I still didn’t quite believe him. He’d read it wrong. This was on him, not me. I wasn’t that ridiculous.

“It was probably auto correct,” he said.

“Sure, let’s blame auto correct.”

We resisted the urge to grab our phones, settle the debate once and for all. Instead we moved on to talk of siblings or places traveled, or something else from the list of Things Discussed on First Dates.

The next day I remembered our conversation and checked my profile.

He was right. I was completely wrong. I had to laugh. Then text him to let him know.

“I should never have said anything!” He texted back, “Maybe it was scaring a few people off haha”

Maybe it was! Maybe I’ve been scaring off ALL New York City’s most eligible bachelors because they think I demand no expense spared! Maybe that one fucking word is the one reason I’m having little luck in love these days!

I owe this guy a lot for alerting me such an error. Okay, I don’t owe him a lot. But at least a second date.

I can’t make this stuff up. Don’t worry, I’m laughing at myself too.

Will this get me to better proof read my blog?

Anyone else have a funny online dating profile fail? Please share in the comments! And maybe, if it made you laugh, think about sharing this post!

May 10, 2015May 11, 2015

Happy Mothers Day: How My Mom Became the Coolest

I was the babysitter’s worst nightmare.

I vividly remember standing hunched at the window of our apartment, crying my eyes out, my small frame racked with sobs. Just when you’d think it was over, that I couldn’t possibly have the energy for more, I’d take a breath and release another string of wails. My mother had gone out for the evening, probably to the opera or symphony. I didn’t know how to function, not even for a few hours, without her. So I cried with the passion of a person who has lost a limb.

I was the epitome of a Mama’s Girl. As an only child, I’d often choose to play with my mom than other kids. If you met me when I was four, you’d remember me embodying a very different cliché than today. A small, flaxen-haired girl, clutching Mama’s skirt, hiding behind her slim, smiling frame. I was painfully shy, in stark contrast to the center of my world. My mother has always sparkled with charisma and openness.

I don’t remember the first time my mother embarrassed me. I wonder if she does. But not long after I left the skirt-clutching cliché behind, I entered the angsty-teenager cliché. My mom shifted from the center of my idolatry to the center of my embarrassment. And there she stayed for more years than I’d like to admit.

Living 3,000 miles away from my mom has helped me come to truly appreciate my mother. I don’t remember the first time I realized it, but my mom is pretty much the coolest. (Maybe it was while walking through Brooklyn where hipsters basically emulate my mom’s lifestyle.) The coolest people are the ones who realize as long as they’re good people, it doesn’t matter what other anyone else thinks of them.

THINGS THAT USED TO EMBARRASS ME ABOUT MY MOTHER THAT I NOW THINK ARE TOTALLY COOL

My mom rides her bike everywhere.

Growing up, my family didn’t have a car. My parents still don’t have one. Instead, Mom rides her bike several miles a day up and down the hills of San Francisco. When she started doing this decades ago, there were no bike lanes, no places to park your bike, really no other bicycles on the road at all. Now biking is crazy trendy in SF. I’ll argues my mama started the trend. She’s that cool.

My mommy doesn’t have a cell phone.

It almost seems impossible at this point in time, but no I’m not kidding. My mother owns no sort of cellular device. Which means it’s really hard to reach her. All the coolest people are, right? But really what it means is that my mother is no slave to an electronic box. I love my cellphone…but sometimes I wish I could be more like my mom…

My mother shops exclusively at thrift stores.

When every other kid was going to Old Navy for back to school clothes, my mom was taking me to Goodwill. That was before thrifting became cool. I dreaded people asking me where I got my clothes. My mom always had an amazing earth view- she buys used clothes not just to save money but to save the planet. You’ll never find her without a reusable bag. Mama was a hippy and she never sacrificed those beliefs to the retail gods.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! (Except I’m holding a non-reusable cup! Shh!)

My ma never wears makeup.

She might have put on lipstick the nights she went to the opera, but I can’t remember ever seeing my mom wearing makeup. She’s comfortable in her own skin. It’s almost as hard to remember my mom’s bad moods as it is to remember her made up face. Her (reusable) glass is always half full, and it’s only recently that I really realized how incredible her optimism is. The woman never complains. I’m lucky to have seen how these things make a person more beautiful than any product can. My mommy is amazingly beautiful. She wakes up that way.

My mutha has no idea who Kim Kardashian is.

It is impressive how little my ma knows about popular culture. She sees no use for it and almost goes out of her way to keep it from occupying valuable brain space. A celebrity might think they’ve made it big if their on the cover of Vogue. That’s nothing. If my mommy knows who you are, that you’ve really made it big.

My mama takes time to smell the roses.

Walk a block with my mom and you’ll notice more about your surroundings than you ever had before. She’s constantly pointing out interesting plants, flowers, birds, architecture, crescent moons in the sky. That was my every day as a kid. And it wasn’t just for my learning, she still does it. It’s pretty amazing- an insight into how my mom sees the world. She notices things the rest of us think we’re too busy to care about. It used to annoy me so much UGH MOM! YES, I SAW THE FLOWER! NO, I DON’T WANT TO SMELL IT! LET’S GOOOO! Now it’s so inspiring. You want to meet someone who actually sucks the marrow out of life? (Dead Poet’s Society reference!) That’s my mamma. You really can’t get much cooler than that.

Love you, mama! (Yeah, she reads my blog, we’ve finally talked about it. She’s cool so it’s cool.) Happy Mothers Day to you, and to all other mothers reading! Hope everyone had a great weekend!