By: Rori Nogee

During this unprecedented time facing a pandemic crisis, we are inundated with statistics on a daily basis: The number of cases, the number of deaths, the number of people filing for unemployment. We see so many numbers that it is easy to become desensitized and forget that behind every one of those numbers is a human story.  This story happens to be mine.

I am that quintessential “gig worker” that you have probably read about in the news. 

I am an actress, singer, songwriter, playwright, tour guide and liquor brand ambassador. Friends have nicknamed me, “The Work Horse of New York.” I hold down 6 jobs to make ends meet while auditioning, taking classes to hone my skills and writing and producing my own plays and musicals. I have always been an over-achiever who thrives on the hustle and gets anxious when faced with unproductive down time. 

At the end of 2019, I made a promise to myself that come the new year, I would climb out of a personal and professional rut. The first step was to leave my decade long Washington Heights residence (and two roommates) for the privacy of a one bedroom apartment in Queens. I even Marie Kondo’d my bedroom and donated enough bags to Goodwill to clothe a large village! 

I was ready for a fresh start.

By mid February 2020, just two months after settling into my new digs, all of my goals had materialized. First, my spring schedule filled up with shifts as the busy tour guide season approached. Soon, I would have enough income to decorate and furnish my new place. Gone were the days of living off of Mom’s hand-me-down furniture! Next, after countless submissions, I was called in by an agent who offered me a one year exclusive contract!  This would give me an extra boost in getting coveted theater and TV/film auditions. Meanwhile, a new musical called Love Quirks, that I had workshopped for a decade, finally raised enough funds to transfer to Off-Broadway. After many auditions and callbacks, I was elated to be cast as the understudy for the two female roles.  It would be my first Equity contract in NYC. Lastly, to top off the fairytale, the man I had loved for years began to return my affections. (Women become sexier to men when they have their own place!)

Well. We all know what happened next: March 2020. One by one my tour guide shifts disappeared. As a result of the travel ban, there were no tourists to guide. My dinner theater gigs were cancelled because the restaurants we performed in had to close. I couldn’t do brand ambassador work at liquor stores because taking public transportation became too dangerous. Places where more than 500 people could gather, such as Broadway theaters, were shut down. Then 50 people. Then 10. This meant that live theater everywhere, including the show I was just 6 days away from starting rehearsals for, would now be postponed.  

In a matter of days, I lost 100% of my income and my career opportunities.  

Now, everyday blends into the next. I spend most of my time staring listlessly at the TV, changing from day pajamas into night pajamas and avoiding messages from men from my past who have suddenly come out of the woodwork to “catch up.” There are no more “New York minutes,” no more surprises. No more promise of making it to Broadway, because Broadway doesn’t even exist.  

There is a lot of pressure on artists to put aside our grieving to be creative.

I get even more agitated when people tell me I should “use this time to write a new musical.” I, for one, am devoid of inspiration. I am starved for sun, for exercise, for companionship and even for good food. I cook so little that I once confused an oven with a dishwasher, and I suddenly find myself having to prepare 3 meals a day.

The icing on the crap cake is that while I am devoid of any human contact in isolation, I have to endure the posts of quarantined couples on social media singing love duets and being overtly cute. This only makes me more aware of the fact that I am alone with no prospects, no money and little hope that things will ever return to normal. There are so many unanswered questions: Will my show re-open? Will tourism pick back up? Will my agent extend our contract? Will I ever again be self-sufficient and not have to rely on my parents and government handouts? Will I regain lost momentum? Will he still want me after so much time apart?  

My therapist told me to think of all of this as pressing pause on the cassette tape. That is the only way I can process the situation, by reminding myself that it is temporary and that eventually, the tape will resume. On the bright side, I’m healthy, and my family is healthy. My cat has been wonderful quarantine company, though not the best at conversation. My heart goes out to the healthcare and essential workers risking their lives on the front lines and to those who have lost loved ones.   

Stay healthy, stay home and hopefully sooner rather than later, we can all press play on our lives and our livelihoods once again. 

Rori is an actress and writer who has appeared on and off-broadway and in regional theaters across the country.  She wrote book, music and lyrics for “Siren’s Den: A Rock Musical“, and her play, “Aftershocks” was nominated for Best Play in the NY Winterfest.  Follow her @Roareen or visit www.rorinogee.com

Thanks, Rori, for sharing your story! I’ll be sharing guest posts from NYC creatives whose careers are being affected by Coronavirus during this New York “pause”. If you’d like to learn more, read this previous post: COVID-19 in NYC: Everything is weird and scary and I want to help by paying you to write for my blog. Thanks for reading and STAY SAFE, NYC!