It’s Christmas time in the city!
Lights twinkle on every corner, shop windows burst with creative consumer displays, the streets of NYC are decadently decked. You no doubt know (or have seen in blogs from Christmases past), the city is magical this time of year. Who wouldn’t be thrilled to be in New York for the holidays?
I look joy-to-the-world-level joyful in this photograph taken outside the iconic Palace Hotel. Check the smile on my face and you might start calling me Mary “Christmas Cheer” Lane.
Well, I don’t have a BA in Theater Arts for nothing. Given the state of my career right now, that wouldn’t be a far-fetched conclusion to draw. But actually I use use my acting education every day: in hiding feelings that have started to become overwhelming lately. Feelings of being worthless, hopeless, and despondent.
Ugh.
I really don’t want to write this post. It would be so much easier AND more fun to share the wonder of New York in December! I know that’s what everyone wants right now! But try as I might, I can’t seem to write any other post until I share this one.
So here it is: I’ve been struggling with mental health right now and I want do iconic NYC depressive Holden Caulfield proud and not be a phony about it for once.
This is not an invitation to worry about me. Save the invitations for holiday parties!! Seriously, please don’t worry about me. I have a fella who is more supportive than a Thirdlove bra (according to my favorite podcasters)… Am I trying too hard to be light-hearted and funny here? Yeah, probably. Don’t worry about me, but please cut me some slack. My fella helped me schedule my very first therapy appointment ever last week.
New York Cliché of the modern era: New Yorkers need therapy. So, with my blog so titled, you could say this was inevitable.
My first appointment left a lot to be desired. So now I’m on the search to find a therapist I like. I’ve heard this can be similar to dating, and I’d love to hear any advice any of you might have on finding the right fit. Currently, I’m trying my best not to be overwhelmed and give up on the search.
That’s it for now. I expect to share NYC Christmas much sooner than spilling more personal woes. It’s the best distraction from myself!
I don’t have any advice on finding a therapist, sorry, but thank you for being open and vulnerable about your struggles. I think we’ve all been there at some point. Heck, my sisters and I have a group chat going on about our favorite anti-depressants 🙂 You got this.
Sorry this has been a tough time for you; I hope you find a therapist who’s a good fit (it’s so important!). I would try to reach out to mywellbeing.com– it’s a matchmaking service in NYC linking clients to therapists, and it’s free for clients to use. If you’re looking for low-cost options, there’s also Open Path Collective. Also, it can take a few sessions to feel comfortable with a therapist, so hang in there!!
Hi Mary, your honesty is inspiring. Thanks for sharing, and while I don’t have any advice whatsoever, I’m thinking of (and praying for) you and hope you can find what you’re looking for! Hugs
Hi Mary, I think the time of year probably doesn’t help too, a lot of people struggle at this time of year. Hope you find a great therapist soon and that they help. Sending hugs x
Blog or not, whichever is healthiest for you. If you do blog, please consider keeping us posted on how things are going with you. Many people can talk about Christmas decorations. Only you can tell your story.
Thank YOU so much for posting this! I have not been able to stroll down 5th Ave. looking at the windows for many years. (due to a stroke) my Christmas now feels complete!
Hey lovely, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this.
It really does take a little time to find the right fit in therapy. I used to have a blog post on it but apparently, I deleted it…
It’s good to think about why that first person wasn’t a good fit. For me, the first one I went to was the type to not respond, only say “and how do you feel about that”. I knew that I wanted someone who would listen and then tell it like it is, and it made the search a lot easier.
Love your blog, never fails to put a smile on my face and encourages me to get out and have a few adventures myself.
Thank you for sharing, I have been going through some very similar feelings. A thought, well it was more like a remembrance of a lesson I had learned and forgotten came to me this morning while I was meditating, that I have experienced these periods before were it got pretty dark, my mind was always my biggest problem, this restless dark period always let me to before the birth of something new in my life. Meditation has been my lifeline especially during these times.
If your are interested check out Heartfulness Meditation the them for this New Year is a Happy New You. I also happen to be a trainer and the Meditation is always free.
It’s OK to not like the questions, just
like the therapist
Thank you for sharing the nice blog this blog is more helpful for me