Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

If you’re in Manhattan, chances are an intoxicated person in green has yelled this at you today. Every March 17th the Big Apple turns green with an influx of bridge and tunnel visitors whose one goal is to get so wasted they barf. St. Paddy’s Day in the city has become synonymous with Drunk Douche-Bag Day.

Not generally a fan of drunk douche-bags, I tend to avoid the holiday. Today however, I found myself in the vicinity of 5th Avenue, the path of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. I put a poncho over my green sweater, important protection against green vomit, and went to check it out.

Hahaha just kidding. I didn’t actually put on a poncho. I’d rather get puked on than look like a tourist at a parade!

I’m happy to report #1: No bodily fluids got near me and #2 the parade was so much more fun than I anticipated!

From the sidelines I saw marching bands and bagpipers, firemen and color guards. Little kids marched by, little old ladies proudly wore the colors of the Irish flag. Everyone in the parade looked like they were having a great time. Not a single participant looked drunk.

Those watching the parade were much the same, wearing displays of green and shamrocks, cheering and waving. It was festive and fun, a joyful celebration of Irish Americans. Irish pride was on display in a genuine way I’d never experience before. This is was Saint Patrick’s Day is all about! As pleasing to the eyes as an Irish accent is to the ears.

Those watching the parade were often just as fun to watch as the parade itself.

These ladies are very obviously tourists, visiting NYC from Ireland! They were adorable and happily agreed to my picture request in exchange for my local advice. They were looking for a Irish pub near the parade and I felt bad I didn’t have a good recommendation for them!

Another fabulous lady at the parade! I didn’t find out her deal, but I adore how she pulled this festive outfit together. The high-end fur vest and LV bag contrasted with the green wig and feather boa. Tory Burch flats paired with cheap holiday socks. The shamrock shades pull it all together. She’s St. Patrick’s Day chic.

This puppeteer was just as charming as his outfit is over the top. He and his puppet delighted all parade participants who passed them. Sober St. Paddy’s family fun folks!

By far the cutest sight at the parade. This little green dinosaur danced down the street, to the beat of his own Irish drummer. Heart melting-ly adorable.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned into a drunk douche-bag later in the day, but when I met this green guy he was just fun and festive.

Same with this dude. He was really sweet and friendly. His devotion to the Irish flag is literally written all over his face.

Now that’s not to say this parade was drunken douche-bag free. Oh no. The contrast of the festive to the fucked-up was stark, apparent at a glance. A whiff.

The day drinkers were easy to spot. They had no interest in watching the parade, appeared to have arrived at it for lack of a better destination. They traveled in large packs, creating a sort of outskirts parade of their own. Characterized by large amounts yelling at each other and beverage cups in hand, instead of rolling my eyes at them I asked for pictures.

 

Go to a bar. Why are you at this parade? You’re scaring the kids. New Yorkers hate you. Keep your vomit off our streets. Don’t yell drunken shit at me as I try to avoid you. But thanks for being so willing to have your picture taken!

Hope your holiday is festive and vomit free! If you have a defense for the drunks, tell me in a comment! If you’re even less of a fan than I am, feel free to unleash your disgust below! If you’ve ever been to the NYC parade, I’d love to hear what you thought. How are parades elsewhere?