Diamonds are a girl’s best friend goes the cliché.

I beg to differ.

Have diamonds laughed with you so hard you both peed a little? No, it’s too unlady like. Are diamonds going to celebrate your job promotion? No, they say, “Why do you need a career when you have me?” Are diamonds going to hold your hair back when you vomit? No, they’re too refined. Will diamonds come over with ice cream and sit with you in pajamas as you cry? No, they can’t handle the ugliness of your cry-face and lack of sparkle.

Chocolate is a girl’s best friend.

My heart was broken. It was well on the way to healing. Then he shat all over it. Now my heart is infected and I’m in recovery all over again. This is a gross metaphor, but it perfectly describes my feeling. And explains why I’ve been relying on my best friend so much these days.
I’m waiting for the subway. I used to wait for the subway when I was dating that asshole. This is a totally viable excuse to get a Reese’s from the newsstand. 

Halloween is a notoriously chocolatey time of year. I indulged, I’m an American with a weakness for candy corn! It’s part of my culture!

It was getting to the point where my teeth hurt. I knew the next step after that is an expanded waist band. No thank you, no I can’t have that. Even my Dread Diet (remember that?) from the New York State Fair was failing. I had to take it farther.

The Monday after Halloween, I cut processed sugar out of my diet. I would allow fruit and milk sugar, but that was it. My goal was to make it stick to this until Thanksgiving.

I lasted all of ten days. Which isn’t terrible.
It was just too hard to give up both men and chocolate at the same time. A girl needs a vice. Sugar seems to be the best bet.

But I am changing my sugar consumption. No more shitty candy bars, no mindless, mediocre candy corn. I’m currently settled in celibacy. Yes I am. For the first time since arriving to NYC I have no interest in dating. I don’t see that changing until my demonstrated feelings of anger and bitterness subside somewhat. Until I’m no longer writing things like “All men are assholes.”

Thus I get to make the absolute most of my one sweet indulgence!

Starting with a dessert date with my roommate at Cafe Lalo.

This cafe is adorable. The ambiance is so warm and inviting, it’s lovely.

And so are the desserts.

So much selection. It took us quite a while to decide on two to share.

Apple Crumb Cheese Cake and Mississippi Mud Cake. My two new best friends. Positively delicious.

There my be a lack of dating stories here at New York Cliché this holiday season. Can I make up for that with Dessert Dates? Any recommendations of sweets I must try?