I am so looking forward to summer. To rooftop bars, outdoor movie screenings, beach days. To gin and tonics and mojitos becoming my drinks of choice. To blackberry season, tomato season, and slices of water melon. However this year there is one thing am absolutely dreading about summer. Not sunburns, not mosquito bites, not sweating through my shirt. Nah. I am dreading is the inevitable day when my boyfriend wears his kilt and I have to be seen with him.
My boyfriend, Harry*, owns a kilt. He loves it. He loves it so much he
should marry it spent $250 on it. Dear reader, a query: did you just scream when you read that number? Did that price tag cause you to shoot a drink out of your nose all over your computer screen? If so, I sincerely apologize; and promptly put the blame on Harry. What a silly man to let slip he paid two-hundred-and-fifty-freaking-dollars for a piece of clothing. It is easily the biggest mistake he’s made thus far in our relationship. I shrieked when he told me and couldn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes. In between fits of giggles I did manage to squeak out the words, “I’ve never spent CLOSE to that on an item of clothing! And I’m a girl! Who likes clothes!”
You might assume a man who spends that kind of money on a kilt is some sort of fashionisto. For Harry, this could not be farther from the truth. It has improved steadily
since we started dating in the past few months but when I first met him, Harry’s “style” was best described as “Shlubby High Schooler Chic”. That’s how I described it one night in a fit of inebriation-aided honesty, much to my poor boy’s chagrin.
“How many of your clothes date back to your teenage years?” I demanded, “I suppose it’s superficial, but I find you much more attractive when you look like a man and not a teenager.”
“When you put it like that, it makes perfect sense,” he acquiesced.
It’s not that I have anything against men in kilts. I’ve always found value in breaking convention. I’ll be the first one to say there is something sexy about a man who rocks a kilt. I believe Harry can get to that point, and when he does, I’ll no longer dread summer. I’ll happily walk down the streets with my kilted fella. I’m just scared he’s not there yet… In researching this article, I looked at every picture on Facebook where he is wearing a kilt. In every single one, I swear I’m not exaggerating, he is wearing a tie-dye t-shirt. An article of clothing approximately 100 times less expensive than that on his lower half. Irony?
I can pinpoint it to this: The subtext of a man wearing a kilt should say, ”Yes, I’m a man. Yes, I’m wearing a kilt.” If the outfit instead reads: “I don’t want to wear pants”, I’ll never find it attractive.
Call me crazy, but I’d rather not be on the arm of a man who at first glance inspires the thought, “That dude’s not wearing pants.” As illustrated, this really doesn’t have to be the response to a kilt! But I suppose I should be thankful. As much as I hate the old shlubby t-shirt look, it could be so much worse. At least Harry has never worn his kilt in an outfit where the subtext is “I’m a shlubby potato sack”.
Or “Look at me, I hate clothes so much I’ve chosen to make a bath towel an outfit! Then I got cold so, duh, I put on a scarf! I may be gorgeous but by wearing this outfit I prove there is nothing going on between my ears.”
Then there are some men who are man enough, so comfortable with their sexuality that they’ll wear pink AND a kilt. This is impressive.
Or it would’ve been if he hadn’t gotten scared at the last minute, worried it was too girly, and added the sword. Really, Gerard Butler? If YOU need to compensate, what are other men supposed to do? Well for some, they can feel awesome knowing they’re more confident than Gerard Butler. This guy is my favorite.
Instead of screaming “I have a penis!” by carrying a sword, he emanates, “I am handsome, intellectual, and talented. I’m a giving lover and your mother will love me too.” Boom: kilted dreamboat. See, I have no problem with a t-shirt when it’s not shlubby! Keeping it simple, totally manly, that’s sexy.
Do you like your significant other’s fashion choices? What are your thoughts on kilts? Think they’re sexy? If you’re a dude- would you ever consider wearing one? Ladies, would you ever date a man who wears kilts? Ideas and advice on what to wear with a kilt?
Oh, and just because it’s always a question: no he doesn’t wear anything under.
*I will call my boyfriend “Harry” in an homage to the Sex and the City character and because he has a lot of hair. Of the chest variety as well as on his head which he usually wears in a ponytail reaching well down his back.
None of these images are mine, click photos for credit