A cute, intelligent fella asked me if I wanted to meet him for coffee after work. I said yes.
If I was a normal person, that would be the end of this story.
But I’m not.
I wanted to meet him, but not for fucking coffee.
Everything That Goes Through My Mind When a Dude Suggests a Coffee Date (Warning: It’s not pretty)
I can’t drink coffee at 6:30PM. Did he want me up all night? Is this what bachelors are doing in 2017? Make her drink coffee at 6:30PM so when she’s lying awake in bed at 4AM, cursing caffeine, she booty calls you because there’s fuck-all else to do? Even in the city that never sleeps?!
Okay, okay. I know I can “meet for coffee” and not actually order a coffee. I can order a tea. An herbal tea. But…serious question: is there any drink less sexy than herbal tea? Maybe milk, but I’m not sure: BOTH seem synonymous with SNOOZE FEST.
I’d prefer sipping a juice box on a first date. At least I could mess around with the straw.
Now, even if I ZOMG NEEDED CAFFEINE like a GilLmore Girl at 6:30PM, I’m still not sure how I’d feel about a coffee date.
Welcome to the neurotic recesses of my brain. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Is he choosing to only invest a $4 latte rather that a $9 cocktail in this date? Is he like that guy who told a story on The Moth podcast about going on multiple coffee dates every day? Does he think I’m not worth the cocktail!? I probably would’ve ordered a beer anyway, and not even a fancy craft one. But I’m WORTH that “notes of chocolate” 10% ABV Bavarian bullshit, damn it!
Okay, okay. I’ll finally come to the conclusion that maybe this is not about me. Most things in the early stages of dating aren’t #LessonsLearnedBy30. This is probably about HIM. Let’s open THAT Pandora’s Box!
- Does this mean he doesn’t drink? Can I date someone who doesn’t drink? I think so?
- Does that mean he’s Mormon? No, wait, they don’t drink caffeine either.
- Is he a recovering alcoholic? That’s cool, but is it first date conversation? Probably not?
- Oh no, is he doing Dry January? Is he going to talk about giving up alcohol for a month like he’s made some profound sacrifice? I don’t know if I can listen to that with a straight face, especially without a stiff drink in hand…
- Maybe his ex-girlfriend had a drinking problem so he thinks I do too??
This was the point I realized I’d gone to far. Overthinking was going to ruin this date before it even began. There was only one way to save it. I had to ask.
Oh. He suggested coffee because he is a responsible, employed adult. Oh.
That wasn’t even close to one of my hypotheses. Wow.
Well, if there’s one thing this blog post proves it’s that I really, really do not need to drink more coffee!
I convinced him to get drinks instead of tea. I’ll let you know if I can quiet down my neurosis and have fun on the date. And if not…at least it’ll make a good blog post!
I’m a fan of the after-work coffee dates because After Work, I’m so tired and cranky that I need the caffeine to determine whether my date is worthy of dinner or not. Also I always pay for my coffee in that situation, because if he’s terrible, I can split after coffee and he can’t hold it over my head like “Hey but I bought you coffee!” And then you can ghost them because DID YOU REALLY DATE? or did you just happen to be in the same Starbucks at the same time???
Meghan Sara recently posted…The Life-Changing Magic Of DOING SOMETHING
hahahahaha “And then you can ghost them because DID YOU REALLY DATE? or did you just happen to be in the same Starbucks at the same time???” this is a brilliant point that I never thought about before and now I’m reconsidering this whole post!
My mind goes straight for the worst case. Husband and I are biking. Big truck comes around a bend. It’s going fast – safe, but noticeable. I think, If it hits both of us and wipes us out at the same time, how long before someone realizes our pets need to be fed? Welcome to the inside of my head.
I’m glad it’s not just me! But that sounds a million times more nerve racking than my silly coffee situation!! Ugh, biking in NYC is constant brushes with death- let me tell you. STAY SAFE <3
OK this made me laugh cause you’re a hilarious little nutjob. For me, coffee dates are OK – I’m not a huge drinker AND caffeine doesn’t affect me, so I can literally drink a huge coffee at 10pm and then sleep all night. But what IS weird about it, is unlike alcohol- you can’t just drink coffee all damn night. So dates like these really only work if you want to be super non-committal and have ONE coffee and then bolt. If you two hit it off, how long can you hang out in a coffee joint? Bars are much more conducive to hanging for a few hours.
10PM!? You’re one of those people who can actually say yes to after dinner coffee! What’s that like, is it nice?
Bahahaha and yes- I think you described me so perfectly I may change all my bios to: “Hilarious little nutjob” 🙂
I love coffee but probably not in the evening when getting to know someone that way lol. But I’d go along with it anyway and see how it goes!
I’ve definitely gone along with it before! But this time I was just like – no. I really do not want to get coffee. Hahaha a dude finally plans a date- no “I don’t know, what do you want to do- and I shut it down? Ugh I’m ridiculous!
All the questions you proposed are legitimate questions so I feel you on all of those. Nothing wrong with actually trying to work through the questions. Also good on you to text him and ask about it! (: I don’t drink coffee and when I mentioned that to one guy he was totally fine with it and we ended up going out for Boba so it was ten times better!
Single Vegas Girl recently posted…OkCupid – Prom at 31?
Yeah, I don’t get cocktails with guys on the first date. Mainly because coffee shops are quieter and there’s more chance of there being cake.
Charlotte Steggz recently posted…Saturday Links January 21st
Haha! This is terrific! So funny, I would have still gotten a coffee.
Oh, this post made me laugh! I wouldn’t be keen on a coffee date at 6:30PM for the caffeine reasons (I suppose I could get decaf but hmm), but I also really enjoy coffee so I’m undecided! (Also the overthinking is soooo me)
Paris x
http://lifeinflorals.blogspot.co.uk/
HA! I like how you said herbal tea would have been snooze-worthy, and he said he would have gotten tea. I think “grabbing a coffee” has become more synonymous with an intimate day time gathering between two possibly compatible people. It’s much easier to say “grab a coffee” than all that though. I totally get you though. The few times I’ve been asked on dates during my single time I ruin them before I even go on them. This was a funny post. I hope all goes well with drinks!
Breanna Catharina
toocuteforlife.com
Hi, your post kept me chuckling my throughout. A coffee date sounds like an interesring way to start. So what if it’s a herbal tea instead, that’s better than insomnia, Chloe https://pinkiebag.com #TeacupClub
Chloe recently posted…Review of Marks & Spencer New Ultimate Mint Infusion Tea
I have actually never been on an after work coffee date. It has always been for drinks… The last time I went for drinks with a guy, I met the guy with which I’d drink coffee every morning! x) It’s a great post, really funny! xx Corinne from Corinne & Kirsty
This post made me snort-laugh at my desk! ‘If there’s one thing this post proves, it’s that I don’t need more coffee’ — priceless! And I never think to assume that someone is a responsible adult, either. I mean, I’m not ;).
xoxo
Emily
emilyhallock.blogspot.com
Emily recently posted…Jenny January 2017
I only really drink coffee at night if I want to get some creative juices flowing when I want to write….never too late though because then I’ll be up all night! I’d prefer a coffee date in the early afternoon or something, but I’m a college student and surprisingly I have time for something around that time, lol. Plus, depending on what else is happening the rest of the day, I’ll have the energy to get through that too! Maybe I’d call for a beer-at-a-bar kind of date on the weekends as well because HAPPY HOURRRRR! ^.^
Abeni recently posted…Egg Drop Soup With A Whole Lotta Kale (And Other Greens)
this really made me giggle, the struggle is real ?
Vicki x
http://neverlandvicki.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1
Coffee dates past 5:30 is a quick ? Like do you want me to be awake for no reason by 10 I’ve got work the next morning lol I’ll usually order tea or a good old white hot chocolate with a tea bag of chai tea! I love dinner date though let me see if we have the same taste in food choices lol
Sipiwe// notsphiwe.com
Alright, that was hysterical and I would probably have gone down the exact same rabbit hole. What do you mean I’m not worth a martini?! Oh, wait, you are just a responsible adult on a week night? My bad. Hah!
I went on 30 coffee dates before meeting my incredible wife. As it worked out, at the time, neither of us drank coffee. So, instead, we just ate chocolate. Here we are 8 years later, happily married, 20 pounds heavier, and we own a coffee roasting business. Go figure.
As for your aversion to caffeine, you could go with decaf. Granted that’s kind of limp, but maybe it’d be worth a try.
Russell