I Got Robbed on the Streets of New York City (Part 1)

“I’ve lived in NYC almost eight years and I’ve never been robbed!” Hahaha! Like, isn’t that so funny!

I spoke these words whilst on a date Sunday evening. What a fool I was. Such hubris angers the New York City gods. Everyone knows that! I would be punished.

Sure enough, 28 hours late I was sprinting down 26th Street, yelling “FUCK YOU! HE STOLE MY PHONE! FUCK YOU!” In hindsight, the clichéd “STOP! THIEF!” would have been more affective. But no, even in moments of extreme duress, I am overly wordy. I hysterically scream from the heart, man.

On Monday evening at approximately 8:35PM, I got robbed on the streets of New York City. It’s the most New York cliché thing that’s ever happened to me!

It was like when Carrie Bradshaw got robbed. Except no guns were involved(#blessed) and he didn’t want my crummy shoes.

I left work in Chelsea at 8:30PM. Yes, it all went down in Chelsea, the Manhattan neighborhood known for gays, art galleries, and the High Line. I was walking up 8th Avenue, towards a cafe where I intended to sip a beer and get some writing done. Cute, right? See, I’d just downloaded Snapchat that morning (follow me @newyorkcliche!). I was walking down the street, on my phone, trying to figure out the app so my millennial brethren might finally accept me. I was almost at the cafe on 26th and 8th, when a fellow millennial sidled up beside me and said “I’m taking your phone.”

Now, strangers talk to me all the time on the streets of New York. I’m a cute AF, friendly looking person: it goes with the territory. I also give my phone to strangers all the time, requesting they snap a picture for this very blog. So these were my immediate thoughts:

“Oh! You’re taking my phone to take a picture of me? How nice I didn’t even have to ask!”
“Oh! You’re taking my phone to download an app onto it that’ll get me free Starbucks or something? Swell!”
“Oh! You’re taking my phone so you can look up directions to Times Square? Pushy but okay.”

It took me 5 seconds to process, “I’m taking your phone” meant “I’m STEALING your personal property! Right out of your hand! Hahahaha sucker!!!” The guy grabbed my iPhone and ran.

I was going to tell you the whole story now. But….then I realize I should probably wait until I testify in court tomorrow (talk about adulting.) So, sorry, worst cliff hanger ever!

Here, you can watch the clip of Carrie being robbed while you wait.

I won’t be completely cruel: know that I am totally fine and safe. I was never threatened, he never laid a finger on me. Blessed adrenaline kept me from feeling terrified. This story even has a happy ending. And not just because I can now say, I’ve been robbed on the streets on NYC! I’m a real New Yorker!

Click for Part 2