Lines and waits are as common on Saturday nights in NYC as taxis and alcohol intake. That’s where I felt you last post, on a fourth date, standing in line for ice skating in Bryant Park. Date Plan A, Rockefeller Rink, was foiled due to extreme crowds. This was Date Plan B. My date seemed miffed by the change in plans. Or by the cold. Or by the obnoxious people in back of us. Truth is, I had no idea what he was miffed about.

I’m a professional entertainer, I entertain hundreds of people every week. If there’s one thing that I’m an expert at, it’s putting a smile on someone’s face. I coax laughs out of hesitant people 20 times a night. Looking for someone to delight and put you at ease? I get paid to do just that. This Saturday I obviously had the night off from work, but oh I worked my ass off in that line, trying to make this date not suck. Do you know how hard it is for me when I expect a laugh and hardly get a smile? It’s like you telling my sense of humor to go fuck itself. It hurts. Especially from a guy I’ve spent 3 dates getting to know, a guy who’s supposed to be on my team.

You know what? I still didn’t get it. I still thought he was just in a weird mood, that I could snap him out of it. When we get to the front of the line a security guard informs us the rink will be closing in 30 mins. Wow, nothing is working in our favor tonight. A sign from the universe? Yep, the universe always knows what’s up.

Unlike me.

“Well, ice skating is a complete fail,” I’m optimistic, “But we can still do something fun! Drinks? We could go see a movie? What do you think?”

My date looks at me, “I think we should just call it a night.”

Excuse me? I only met you half an hour ago. It’s NYC, we could literally do one million other things but no, you’re bailing on me?

“I’m exhausted,” he says, “I actually don’t feel well. What I really want to do right now is go home.”

Well okay. I’m not going to argue with that. Is this why he’s been acting weird? He feels sick? Oh! Poor guy!  Yeah, those were my thoughts.

You’d think after 6 years of dating in NYC I’d know better? But no, I never assume someone is a coward until it’s written on the wall (screen) in front of me.

 

He offers me a ride home. In fact, the sole reason he drove into the city was to give me a ride home. Aw, that’s sweet. We walk to the parking garage where his car is (hey, I’ve learned how to date guys who have cars!) and wait for the valet to bring the car around, I get in the passenger seat, click my seat belt, and then the thought clicks in my brain.

“You know, if you’re not feeling well, you don’t have to drive me home.”

“Really?” he says.

“Yeah, I can just take the subway.”

“Are you sure? You won’t be mad?”

“I mean, then you drove the car into the city for nothing, but yeah, it’s fine.”

“I’m an idiot,” he says.

Yes, yes you are! He lets me get out of the car. He gives me a hug and drives away.

Well, I’m never seeing that guy again. What the hell just happened?

I get out my phone, desperate to call a friend to drink with and bitch about this horrible date. I’m a little in shock. I’ve never had a fourth date that was this bad, I’ve never had anyone ditch me like this. It’s caught me completely off guard. Then my phone dies the moment after I access my address book. Really universe? REALLY?

So now I’m stuck with no other option than to take the subway home, alone on a Saturday night. Alone with my thoughts in the dim light of the D train.

This had nothing to do with me. I try telling myself that over and over but I can’t shake the other thoughts that creep in: Was it something I said? Is it the way I looked? Did I try too hard to be funny? Did I insult him without realizing it?

Shut up, Mary Lane, this had nothing to do with you! Stop with the negative bullshit thoughts!

….

BUT WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

I was never going to contact him again. He’d made it crystal fucking clear he never wanted to see me again. But never contacting him again would let him off so easy. I wanted him to know that what he had done was shitty. That he had made me feel really shitty. That it wasn’t okay.

Here’s our text exchange.

He invited me ICE SKATING to tell me he was seeing someone else? Seriously!?

What was his plan? When I reached to hold his hand was he going to say, “Oh no, sorry, I have a girlfriend, actually. Oh oops, sorry you just face planted on the ice.”? We’d only been on 3 dates, he’d never seen me naked, he didn’t even know my last name! He should’ve sent this text BEFORE completely wasting my Saturday night and making me feel like shit. 

Oh well, I never had to see him again! I felt sorry for the chick who’d just attached herself to such a shmuck.