When I first moved to my neighborhood, my bro-bestie Walter lived across the street. Those were the days, my friends. Much beer was quaffed and even more dish was served (“dish” is a more gender neutral term for “gossip”). A typical scene was me rooting through my closet, getting ready for a date, Walter sitting in on the armchair across from my open bedroom door. Walter sipping a beer, me yelling, “Tell me what to wear!” It was awesome to have a male perspective handy.

About a year ago, Walter moved to Florida. Six-packs last much longer in my fridge than they used to. My cat no longer has a male role model in his life. I’ve had to “approve” my date outfits on my own. Or with the help of my roommates, who are the best but likely clueless as me when it comes to men. I miss my bro-bestie!

Walter is probably this blog’s biggest fan. Every time I publish an entry, he sends me an encouraging text. It’s so supportive and sweet and really means a lot to me. He especially likes it when I write about him. The other day he was bemoaning the fact I never write about him any more. I was bemoaning the fact I don’t know what to wear on dates. Our moans mixed together and BOOM- blogging inspiration blossomed!

I have an idea! If you’re into it! We can get some male perspective on my blog! And fashion! At the same time! Yes, crazy I know!

I went outside in my neighborhood, snapped some quick shots of an outfit, and sent them to Walter.

I started super casual. Something I’d worn on a bowling date earlier that week. Jeans and a top, flat boots. I chose this outfit because I wasn’t sure about it. The jeans I knew were great, because a random, normal looking woman on the subway once told me so, “Those jeans fit you perfectly. Where are they from?”. Answer: The Gap! Anyway, I thought the top was cute, but part of me also wondered if the dots made it look clownish. And the boots were comfortable with a heel small enough so I’m not towering over men of average height. But were they cute? Eh?

Here is Walter’s, unfiltered, (mostly) uncensored response to my outfit:

Mary said she wanted me to look at her date outfit, as she often has in the past.  She thinks I am a good opinion to have, or at least Another Opinion….so I thought it best to have a few cold ones and review tonight’s collection of attire that will dazzle and amaze the men in New York.  I’m typing on a tablet in a room I’m renting in a weird part of Florida…so….(sic)

Picture one: “oh I’m just casually walking by this fence pretending I’m a prison guard”
Even mid stride I can tell you are attractive in this outfit.  I get a good sense of “she has a good body” with the very important “she DID dress up a little, she IS serious about this date”. I personally like how the little sleeves on this blouse (this is a blouse, right?) remind me of Batgirl, and the hoop earrings tie the whole thing together.  Men. Love. Accessories.  (Also the subtle grip on the cast iron fence remind us of our penises.)

At this level of detail I can see the dots and the colors, this shirt has a sassy “Southern California, I’m only a hipster when I choose to be” look.  This is the type of shirt I would like to see on a picnic date with wine and a wicker basket, or holding hands and attending a sort-of-white-people sort-of-cultured event, like a corn maze/pig roast near a big farm house.  

 

Picture three: “an excuse to stare at your butt. Great butt, btw”

So is it weird I requested my best dude friend to kinda objectify me for the sake of fashion blogging? Are we glad he complied? Did we learn anything from this male perspective? Bro-spective? Is the opinion of my bro-bestie (who you can see get more drunk as he continues in his asides) interesting? Should I make him be sober for the next one? Should there be a next one?